Disclaimer: I am totally into Levis, I think they are the only jeans worth wearing, they fit great and make everyone look completely badass. I’m grateful that they decided they wanted to do a banner ad with us and it is such an enormous improvement on when we had ‘Without A Paddle 2′ up there six months ago. I just think the music the model in the ad makes is super corny. So…

Who’d be a male model eh? Other men will always resent you for being pretty, but the only people who fancy you are gay men, tubby fashion students and other models, who are all completely mental.

Sure, male models are the only people who get to have coke-fueled group sex with total babes on the regular, but the I’ve heard it’s an awkward, unsexy affair and you can’t look at your buddy the same way once you’ve seen his arse bobbing up and down and heard him say something awful in the throes of sex like ’suck my big one you lovebitch!’

The other problem with being a male model is that you are really just a clothes horse and you could be a card carrying member of the BNP and people would still hire you, so if you’ve got a musical sideline that probably isn’t going to work out no one says a word. This is how accidents like this are allowed to happen:

Josh, you are beautiful and I love your cheekbones, but rap rock? It has been a long time since that was something people didn’t make fun of. I’m really sorry and I know you want to be the guy in Incubus but even the guy in Incubus doesn’t want to be the guy in Incubus anymore. He wants to be Billy Childish now!

PS In other white British rap news, I saw mediocre guitar grime ’star’ Plan B having an argument with his manager in a cafe in Dalston on the weekend. He was demanding his own personal stylist. Huh?