I was recently hired to host a documentary of The Movie Watching World Championships with a bunch of wiggers called Decon Media. The Guinnes Book of World Records’ rules were simple: All contestants had to stare at a screen for 123 hours and watch movies non-stop. They could have a 10 minute break after ever film but no looking away from the screen and no drugs. The sponsor also put up a $10,000 prize to anyone who could finish.

The winners were a Sri Lankan who already won 50 world records (left) and a very quiet German woman whom I’m convinced was on some kind of prescription amphetamines (right).

The winners meet that chick with the tits from Rocky Horror.

Unfortunately, the primary symptom with sleep deprivation is dementia so, what was meant to be a cheery wee doc about people watching movies became a five day acid trip about losing your fucking mind. In hindsight it was probably not a good idea to stay awake with the contestants.

When we were finished the movie we were so proud (high on coke), we said to the client, “Here it is motherfucker. It’s perfect and if you don’t like it, you can go fuck yourself.” They chose the latter and fired us immediately. Now we’re stuck with this movie. I recently presented highlights from the film at a comedy night where TV and film writers discuss their various canned projects. We’re screening a clip a day on the site for the rest of the week.

Here’s the first two.


How I got my black eye.


Basically, it was the cocaine.

You can buy the film here but, as with Gavin McInnes is a Fucking Asshole, it’s in American so British people will need a multi-region player to see it.