We’ve been trying to get more student stuff up here because you’re all starting back this week and next, and we want you to be our pals.

I tried teaching you all how to get laid the other day and I touched on how going on and on about politics was never going to get anyone to sleep with you. I guess if you’re on this website you’re probably clued up enough not to need this saying to you (and between you and me, it’s really just a set up for an amazing youtube video), but just in case:

The other really dumb thing you can do as a student that you will totally regret at least by the end of the first year (everyone else may already be laughing at you fyi) is be into mystic stuff, especially if you’re studying something boring and normal like accountancy and you’re just living in halls with everyone else.

Trust me, no matter what you learned in India over the summer, even most the established of the college ‘he’s just going through a phase’ religions, Buddhism, is going to be the thing you get teased relentlessly once you give it up (in about a month) and it won’t be forgotten ever ever ever by your friends.

You can do even worse than pretending you’re a Buddhist until you realize you’re not supposed to drink or eat bacon sandwiches when you are one, you can be a white Rastafarian.

That’s bad because:

A)   Real Rastafarians don’t take you very seriously

B)   No one takes you very seriously

C)   Even the guy who invented Rastafarianism said it was made up

D)   Smoking loads of weed makes you dumb

E)   You are this guy:

(this video is flipped over, I think it’s so they can get round copyright or something… It’s the same guys as Jizz In My Pants but way funnier, I think you’ll agree)