The Frieze Art Fair is an art fair in Regents Park that is open in what looks like a giant portable toilet for three days a year, so the art industry and rich folks in expensive trousers can check out what different galleries have been up to all year long.

I went along with my pal, professional drawer Jiro Bevis to see if we fancied buying anything. Nothing so vulgar as the prices were on display but i don’t reckon either of us would have been able afford much on display. We had a grand old time anyway, though.

This was a tree with lots of breasts on it in the sculpture park bit. As two red blooded young men, we were mesmerized.

This sculpture was wearing Crocs, no kidding.

This was great but it made me feel sick when I got too close to it.

This is a Jewish joke (click to make it bigger).

This kind of unmitigated filth is rife in the art world. Disgusting.

Remember the pregnant man? Someone immortalised him in stone. Jiro and him have the same expression in this photo.

Here is Jiro pretending to be a Japanese girl in front of some Japanese girl art. It’s not racist because Jiro is half Japanese.

This had real hooves! It was cool.

A can of Coke and some Wasabi peas cost five quid.

This woman was covered in what looked like loads of pairs of bollocks from a distance, but when you got up close (which I did) it turned out it was loads of vaginas.

This guy was pretty much the definition of ‘business round the front, party round the back’. Those poo dreads reached all the way down his back and left a snail trail on his lovely suit.

This dead squirrel was floating in thin air. I think there were magnets involved.

More absolute filth. I don’t know why people don’t just paint pictures of ponies in the sunset instead of all this.