There’s a new club in town, taking up residence in the notably insignificant venue Centro - located down an alleyway in the arse end of nowhere’s ville Holborn / Bloomsbury / New Oxford Street land.


Some credentials to the club

1. Six naked tattooed fire breathing strippers call the Fuel Girls live there

2. Its open until 8 O’clock in the morning and serves breakfast so is a viable close-to-work alternative to Starbucks

3. The Jet Black press release promises, ‘LA strip bar meets Mad Max in a shower of Jack Daniels’ – which sounds fun no?

4. There’s hoops, handcuffs and poles hanging from the ceiling – from which naked girls will apparently swing

5. They promise that on most nights alchohol will be poured from the ceiling; sticky shit all over your face style

6. The soundtrack apparently features a lot of Slayer (although when we were there it was mostly bad pop grime).

7. It’s a place where boys and girls can enjoy sexy fire boozy times together in horny glitter modern Moulin Rouge surroundings – or something.

We popped by on their opening night to see if we could catch some sticky / naked / sexy fire action going down… and stumbled across a couple of milk maids pouring horse spunk like fluids all over horny guys in white jeans.

Jet Black is the perfect anecdote to Dalston low-fi, ironically ugly girls, bad Casio pop and boring East London cool.

It also serves the purpose of supplying the men of London with a strip bar they can take their girlfriends / little sisters to without looking like too much of a perve.