Some people work in finance. Others focus on Integrated Aircraft Navigation. Some even suck dicks for a living. The people that tickle my funny bone the most however, are the people that tickle my funny bone: Guys - mostly guys - who have devoted their lives to catching me and my lady friend when we’re stoned and ready to piss our pants.

This tickling has been going on since way before I knew what pot was so I’m going to go back to the days of Roman slave jokes and list, for you, the 10 funniest sketches (not TV moments or movie moments or anything like that) of all time.

10. MY PEN
Canadian Hilarists Mock Minutiae

One of the downsides of leaving Canada is your brain makes you forget all your memories there because it’s too painful. This includes getting baked with Steve Durand in Montreal and watching the living shit out of Kids in the Hall. This list used to include some piece of shit where Chris Farley falls on a balsa coffee table. That was American brainwashing at its worst. Kids in the Hall have: The guy who stole Bruce’s front wheel, the Gavin dude who knows how much a human head weighs, that gay dude saying Faggo, and the guy who pees through his nipples. “My Pen” takes the cake however because we all hate those stupid pen babies and nobody’s ever told them off before.

Funniest Moment: When he gets all Terminator on the car and holds on for dear life.


9. THE LANDLORD Will Ferrell Deals With His Tiny Landlord
OK, it’s not the most original idea in the world but 70 million fans!? That’s 20 million more than Elvis. That’s more than two Canadas or ever single person in Britain including old ladies and abortions. That’s the total number of blogs in the entire universe. That’s a lot.

Funniest Moment: When she calls him bitch a bunch.


8. DOWN BY THE RIVER Chris Farley Gets Hysterical
My heart wasn’t really into including this one because it just seems like hysterical slapstick by a poor, fat bastard who’s dying. Then again, the same goes for Animal House and it’s the best movie ever made.

Funniest Moment: Coffee table collapse, I guess.


7. DELOCATED AND ANDERSON COOPER Jon Glaser Takes on Anderson Cooper
I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this but sorry, I consider this throw-away bit an example of perfect comedy. The fact that dude comes back because he wants publicity for his stupid sub shop so bad, goes beyond simple parody and into, “smile dance.”

Funniest Moment: When Anderson Cooper springs the burn accusation on him.


This isn't even a picture from Scrapco.

6. SCRAPCO Martin Short Mocks His Old Man
What the fuck? What kind of asshole lists 10 great sketches and doesn’t even have video footage of them. Me kind of asshole, that’s who. Sorry fuckers but I’m old. Not every one of my phonograph records has been converted to an MP3. I don’t even think a DVD exists of this show. It’s Martin Short as an obtuse GM exec who is in over his head at the opera and makes a total ass of himself.

Funniest Moment: Though the part where he goes “I’m Nuryev! I’m Nuryev!” and crashes into the dessert table is heavenly, I’m going to have to go with the part where he shoves an hors d’œuvre into a tall, black, giant-bosommed, soprano’s face and says, “Is this fish?”


5. DEAD PARROT Monty Python Revisits an Old Joke
We already told you this is the oldest joke in the world but maybe it’s lasted for thousands of years because it’s just that good. It hurt not to include Silly Walks or that torso thing in Holy Grail but like Nazareth always said, “Love Hurts.”

Funniest Moment: When Cleese says, “The plumage don’t enter into it.”


4. I’M RICK JAMES BITCH Dave Chappelle Reenacts a Story by Rick James
Sorry Blind Racist, you are fucking hilarious but Rick James and Charlie Murphy being brought to life in a new concept called Comedy Reenactments is a moment that shines so bright it gives me skin cancer.

Funniest Moment: Rick James ruining a white couch and loving it.


3. MEN’S SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING Martin Short and Harry Shearer Play Two Brothers Who Can’t Swim
Short had done this guy before on SCTV in the sketch “Half Wits” written by Catherine O’Hara … shit. That belongs on this list more than Chris Farley. Oh well, this is just a blog post and I gotta get on with my life.

Funniest Moment: Though it’s a funny bone massage to hear Martin Short say he’s “Not that strong of a swimmer,” the best part of this video goes to Christopher Guest and his, “Hey you, I know you. I know you.” This moment lead to Waiting for Guffman by the way.


2. WHITE LIKE ME Eddie Murphy Goes Undercover as a White Guy
Stupidest, easiest, most unoriginal idea ever — done to hilarious perfection. I think Eddie accidentally lampooned all the black people who think racism is responsible for their problems and white people get nothing but favors. Oops!

Funniest Moment: When Eddie learns white people don’t need to do shit to get a loan.


1. THE BOB LAMONTA STORY About a Kid Whose Parents Are Retarded
This was a tough call because the “wet cigar” has moments that are just as funny but Bob Lamonta keeps giving and giving and giving. Yeah the parents are great but the side details like the dice sandwich and the thermos full of cutlery are like a constant comedy hug.

Funniest Moment: There is something eternally magical about a kid saying, “They gave me some beer and some frozen peas.” I could listen to it forever and ever. I may even make it my headstone’s ringtone.