It’s all a case of too little too late for Ed Banger centerfold and shit rap prodigy Uffie.

Back in 2006 her hyperbole and shameless self-promotion was justified - she was hot shit and the Ed Banger wave swept across the dance floors of Europe with Justice, SebastiAn, Busy Pete, and Uffie riding the crest. Kids spent their pocket money on So Me t-shirts and made cross signs with their arms when Phantom dropped, sending the dance floor into a sweaty frenzy.

I know because I was once one of them and I did it all (except the cross sign thing, that was always lame). It was unashamed music, party music, and I had loads of fun at the time.

But that was then and this is now. The Ed Banger phenomena was a fad, a well branded and well marketed fad, but a fad none the less. It never developed much beyond its brash beginnings and now more than 3 years later those once loud Ed Bangers have gone strangely quiet.

But hang on, what’s that? News from the Uffie camp of a new video… and an album… really?!

Well, yes apparently - here’s the video.

Now here’s what’s wrong with the video,

1. The unflattering ‘up the crotch’ shot about 3 and a half seconds in pretty much sums it all up.

2. The shit CGI Uffie that looks like a Lara Croft prototype that didn’t make it.

3. The song is over THREE FUCKING YEARS OLD.

The concept for this video is ‘girl’s legs from odd angles’, which I have no problem with. In fact as a red blooded male there’s nothing better if it’s done well. But this video isn’t done well and displays a clear lack of budget, imagination, or intelligence.

But unfortunately that’s what I’ve come to expect from Uffie over the past few years. Since 2006 her musical output has dried up, while her topless photo output has skyrocketed, climaxing with a particularly odd photoshoot for Ducati (the motorbike people). With a career trajectory that started high and then plunged exclusively, she has been spiraling down the helter skelter of fame and credibility for years now, gradually picking up speed until one day, not too far from now, she will hit the bottom with a sudden stop.

In light of this, the news of the February 2010 release of her debut album ‘Sexy Dreams and Denim Jeans’ seems either incredibly bad judged, or proof that time travel exists and that Uffie’s music is skipping around the space/time continuum.

But hang on, am I being too harsh? With Mr Oizo, Sebastian, and Mirwais producing, a guest appearance by Pharrell, and The Guardian featuring her as ‘new band of the day‘ last week,  might Uffie’s new album be Ed Banger’s phoenix?

Hmm… I’m still gonna say no, but good luck to her. I must say I admire her optimism. When most people miss the boat they just go home, but not Uffie. She’s hung around and waited for them to build a bridge and she’s coming whether you like it or not.