What is with 2009? (Starting with that makes me feel like a crap stand up in a sweaty club in the 90’s. Probably wearing a shiny suit and talking in a Queens accent – “Hey schmucks! So, what is it with these microwave pizzas?!”)
2009 is the year of the dead. I mean, obviously people die every year, it’s just that in the past couple of months at least three people I’ve heard of have died. So yeah, that means I can categorically say, with literally seconds of intense research – THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE DEAD. And the latest casualty? John Hughes.
WORDS: ELIZABETH SANKEY
I kind of only watch 80’s teen movies. Coming of age stories, with their painful insecurities, obsessions with the popular kids, and all the promise and lack of responsibility youth holds in it’s acned little cheeks – that’s what icefilms.info is made for. And the decade that produced the greatest teen films since cinema began? The ninety eighties butt munch. Seriously, what’s your damage Heather?
John Hughes is a stalwart of the highly nuanced art that is furnishing the filmic landscape with Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick. His films are funny, top-to-toe in baseball jackets and ankle socks, with an edge of ‘total realness’ – “You two donkey dicks couldn’t get laid in a morgue”. So yeah, I’m a fan – not as much as this girl though.
Here’s a quick stride through the best John Hughes moments.
PRETTY IN PINK
Duckie is one of the greatest characters ever written. Look at this outfit. Look at that duck’s tail. I seriously wish boys dressed like this. Although if they did I’d snicker at them behind my hand and try and set them up with my gay friends.
Here’s the scene where he dances for Andie’s love and affection. And she basically just yawns. whatabitch.com
SIXTEEN CANDLES
16 year old Ringwald was the best teen star because she could play the ‘no one ever notices me, I’m a bit of a dweeb’ girl, but then also believably get the most popular boy in School, as this film is a testament to that. But the real star was Anthony Michael Hall, as the king geek who asks Molly for her pants, then charges boys with braces a dollar to see them. What a hero. He also manages to lose his virginity to the most popular girl in School, in a top down Rolls Royce. Jeez My-Dad’s-keys. Bit of Trivia - Jim Carrey auditioned for that part - THANK GOD he didn’t get it - and when Ringwald and Hall met they didn’t get on, so Hughes took them to a record store where they discovered they liked the same music. Cute! Also, special mention goes to Long Duk Dong, who went on to do ER, Family Guy, and Sabrina the Teenage Fucking Bitch.
WEIRD SCIENCE
Kelly LeBrock Kelly LeBrock Kelly LeBrock. The greatest woman to represent the United States of Great Britain since Thatcher strapped on a bikini for that sex tape. What? Anyway. Remember when computers looked like this? With the flashing green cursor and the CAPS type - SYSTEM ERROR, Norton Commander, playing Frogger. No? Oh well. These squeaky-voiced sweaty teen boys are fans of the females - you can almost smell their bedroom from here - so much so that they create their own girl in a cropped sweater. Then shower with her while still wearing their socks and American Apparel-esque pants.
BREAKFAST CLUB
This film was written by Hughes in two days - the 4th and 5th of July, 1982, and shot entirely in sequence. When I saw it for the first time I asked my mum if there were exchange programmes to the USA so I could get detention, and also, “what’s sushi?”. Yet again it’s Ringwald and Hall, aged 17, playing the geek and the popular girl.
FACT FANS - they started dating towards the end of filming - but it probably didn’t work out because she’s pretty tall and he’s pretty small. Heightbreak. It also stars Judd Nelson, who was so ‘in character’ off camera that he was accused of bullying Ringwald and nearly got fired. Damn method actors, have a kit kat and shut up. It’s probably the most ‘emotionally taxing’ of Hughes’ films, but also the one with the dancing montage around a library. So, swings and round-a-bouts. Plus Judd Nelson is a lumberjack babe with a diamond stud in his ear.
Oh, and the dandruff is Parmesan cheese.
FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF
When I used to skive School I thought I was pretty savvy. I invested a couple of days’ moaning and holding my stomach, then the night before I’d whine, “no I can’t have any dinner, I feel weird”, then go to bed really early. Next morning it was splashing water on the forehead, and sitting next to the radiator. Easy. Mum goes to work and you can eat Hobnobs all day and watch Doctors, both showings of Neighbours, and if you’re lucky manage to wangle another day off by looking a bit green. But it was still never THAT fun. Bueller did it better, Bueller ended up miming with girls in lederhosen in the middle of a Chicago parade, proposing to his girlfriend, and helping his hypochondriac friend brake an enormous plate glass window.
The actors who play Ferris’ parents married in real life after filming.
<insert poignant ferris bueller quote about life moving fast HERE>