WORDS: ROBERT FOSTER
I’m really sorry folks. I got bored on Sunday evening. I had a lovely weekend, went to the park on both days, got a sunburn that seems to have kept me pink til Tuesday, and even had a free BBQ. Then I remembered that a really old friend from school wanted to hang out. I usually hate that kind of thing cos there’s probably a reason why you stop hanging out with someone, but this guy was different - I only lost touch with him cos he went to university in Brazil (he was Brazilian) but he was a great guy and it turns out he’s just moved to my area in London.
He’d sent me his number before I turned off my Facebook but I’d forgotten to copy it down, so I needed it, and I knew it would still be there because Facebook keeps all your information forever like the government. So I logged back in. I intended to only do it for the sake of the number, but there’s been a lot of photos up recently and I like to see what people I know are up to, plus I was trying to watch Mars Attacks, and it just wasn’t that gripping at all. Jack Nicholson is a star turn, but the rest of it was dull and it was weird to see Jack Black before he was properly famous too.
The problem is, deleting my facebook was a good thing, but it was maybe a bit too ‘back to nature’. I’m not Dash Snow after all (turns out my parents aren’t millionaires, and people don’t flock to me whether I try to avoid them or not). I like to stay in contact with people. I felt like I was riding a fixed gear bike - it felt good not having the extra help (gears and being able to stop peddling = being able to contact anyone all the time and seeing pictures of them, you following my metaphor?) - but it was ultimately pointless because technology allows for a much easier, more convenient ride. Whatever. Add me.
PLATFORM SAYS: Five fucking days. Robert “Quitter” Foster totally sucks. I mean, we knew this would happen, we knew he would let us down - but it was supposed to be a proper sociological/technological experiment. Not just a piss in the anti-social-networking park (YES THEY DO EXIST). We feel like the parents of a bad kid who keeps whining that he’ll try better, then ultimately just lets us down time and time again. We’re not angry with you Bobby, we’re just disappointed.
