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The things you say when you’re young are stupid

There’s a Chinese proverb that goes something like: “He who is not a radical at twenty has no heart, but he who is still a radical at forty has no head”, which is nice, because it’s letting you off saying stupid shit when you’re young. So go ahead and say it, but rest assured a lot of it is stupid shit for sure.

Here are some examples of things you might say, and how they are dumb and come loose as you get older:

“I’m a communist”
Yeah, you’re the family’s political firebrand and you ruined your sister’s birthday dinner by arguing with your granddad about healthcare, you’re fucking shit up at school with your confrontational stance in history lessons and girls dig how you know about books and have a passion for social justice.

But have you ever been to Russia? Play those guys a Sonic Youth record and they’ll look at you all puzzled before shooting your dog and stealing your shoes. Also, you really want everything to be run by the state? Even the record stores and the fashion industry? How far do you want to go? You want government issue jeans? Of course you fucking don’t, and you will realize that and get over it. Plus, your granddad is 80 and loves you very much, don’t fuck with his ideals.

“I hate Christmas”
Hanging out with your dickhead dad, your bitch mother and spoilt siblings who don’t get you even a bit is such a drag. You’re a vegan and your mum doesn’t respect that and ruins your nut loaf by pouring real gravy on it and then you go upstairs to your room and listen to Merzbow while your family sings carols. It’d be so much better just to be on your own in your flat/apartment smoking weed with your friends from university who also have no sense of humour about food.

But have you not seen that episode of Roseanne where Darlene and her boyfriend are eating Macaroni cheese on Christmas day because they ditched their families? They fucking hate it! After their shitty poor people’s Christmas they came back to their fat parents who knew how to cook, could afford heating and had bought them decent presents, which is exactly what you would do too. Also, eventually, you’ll get kids of your own, stop being such a selfish fuck and enjoy the company of people who love you even if they don’t get what it is about Einsterzende Neubauten there is to like.

“I’m never going to get married”
What an outmoded tradition, getting a woman to be subservient/tying a man to one woman, all those bullshit suits and dresses and getting some fake religion involved in your life. You and your girl don’t need some fucking piece of paper to prove you love each other and as soon as you get married the sex stops so why would you do that?

But what about when you and your girl are 40 years old and you are still calling her your girlfriend? It’ll look pretty ridonkulous, but what are the alternatives? Are you going to call her your partner? That sounds like you’re either in business with her or she is a man that you are dating, which is obviously fine and all that but not actually the case. So just get married because you’ll have a great day being centre of attention, she gets to wear the dress of her dreams and later on you won’t feel like it’s ok to leave her without giving it serious thought.

“Uniforms are for fascists”
Uniforms are just a way to keep people from expressing themselves, they’re a tool of the government to stop the workers from thinking for themselves and when they made you take your nose ring out at Pret you just quit right there on the spot because it’s a fucking infringement of your liberties.

But have you ever been to an independent bookstore where the staff don’t even have nametags? It’s fucking impossible to work out who you should be asking questions to. And would you really like your grandmother being treated at hospital by a doctor who she’s scared of because he’s a retarded Korn fan with green hair and contacts that give him cat eyes? Worse still, you want that same retard delivering the news to your family that grandma passed on due to the bowel cancer reaching all her other organs? You don’t want that at all.

“I’d never sign to a major/compromise my music”
Of Montreal are dickheads for selling their songs to car adverts, fuck Earth Crisis for signing to Roadrunner, Iggy Pop has a become a corporate stooge (geddit!?) for doing those insurance adverts and Pavement only reformed for the money. Fuck majors, they’re all linked to arms companies and they suck the life out of the music.

But have you heard of this little thing called paying the bills? When your parents stop doing it for you, you have to do it yourself. Its horrible but it makes you realize that making music just for yourself is dumb (and, if you read back the phrase itself, kind of selfish) when you could be making it for an enormous audience and get the recognition that you would obviously love to get. Just sign on the dotted line dickhead, they’re giving you a hundred grand and all you have to do is spend more than a day in the studio and learn to sing in tune. Oh boohoo, you have to play on a kids tv show? Led Zep did that shit all the time.

Also, Bleach is a piece of fucking shit compared to Nevermind, At the Drive In were any other sub Fugazi chancers until they got Ross Robinson in to do Relationship Of Command and all music before 1980 was on a major, so get over this shit because you’ll just end up an angry internet commenter, and no one wants that.

Growing up is shitty but at least you’re getting less stupid the older you get.



  • bishopdante
    "all music before 1980 was on a major"

    Really now. That's well wrong. You'd be listening to Souza and "How much is this little doggie in the window" if it weren't for independent music labels. Rock'n'roll in the 50s & 60s was all independent. Punk and Funk in the 70s. Jazz & Blues in the 20s 30s 40s. Independents set the trends for the record industry since the days of 78s until the record industry died in 97 to be replaced by the internetz.

    You is proper ignorant of the facts LOL. Don't know about corporate Tin Pan Alley hit parade vs the independent rock'n'rollers at Sun records (Elvis, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis), hey while you're at it read up on white conservative racism. Read up on Motown. Read up on jazz & funk. Read up on beggars banquet. Chrysalis. Fuckin' Blue Note.

    Or just publish lies.
  • bishopdante
    Tristram Hunt argues that Engels has become a convenient scapegoat, too easily blamed for the state crimes of the Soviet Union, Communist Southeast Asia and China.

    "Engels is left holding the bag of 20th century ideological extremism," Hunt writes, "while Marx is rebranded as the acceptable, postpolitical seer of global capitalism."

    Hunt largely exonerates Engels stating that "in no intelligible sense can Engels or Marx bear culpability for the crimes of historical actors carried out generations later, even if the policies were offered up in their honor.


    I'll just sling in this little link here. http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2007/apr/20/guardianobituaries.obituaries
  • bluebells
    ahhh this was funny :)
  • 1two3
    I agree with everything except the Bleach comment.
  • Anonymous
    Chinese proverb? That was Winston Churchill.
  • Anonymous
    *Einstürzende Neubauten
  • Anonymous
    Who are you talking to? Did you know that no one is going to read your excrement of pretentious wannabe intellect? And if they do its because they have too much time on their hands and get into comment wars for a living.
  • bishopdante
    hehehe, well, as it happens I touchtype, and when it comes to the low esteem that people seem to hold left leaning politics in, and I'm given a comment box, well, I'll add to the forum. (knowing full well that 75% of the readers will assume troll. Really the article is an act of trolling in all honesty.)

    I take serious issue with this concept that 18th/19th century socialism is a joke, that you don't owe your rights (and internetz) to it today, and the idea that russia has got anything to do with that, or that the people who call the 20th and 21st century big money shots have read any, or have those sorts of values... well now. Russia were communist? Nah, they were lying, it's called state-capital-monopoly in economic thought.

    No no, I won't have a bit of it. That's properly ignorant. Moronic bleating, typed up filler echoing some semblance of somebody else's thought. I don't really think this editorial content is valid at all, it's promoting nothing. I don't think it's agreeable, the person doesn't have enough background knowledge, enough clout. It's an ignorant statement of ignorance, and then getting into some warm fuzzy area of superiority (I'm above such things) well now.

    Many people trivialise stuff like who runs the world and how by fashion sublimation of a few ideas here or there and are just "Trying to be cool", don't know anything really. Then there's other people.

    2050. Think about it.
  • bishopdante

    Fail to find the difference between stalinism, marxism, anarchy, and the many brands of socialism (amongst whom you'll find Hitler amongst others), you'll be finding yourself a moron.

    Welcome to 2010. Transnational corporations which don't pay taxes, global exploitation, mass media blackout, unprecedented industrial pollution, mass poverty, repealing of basic human rights in "free" countries etc etc. Just mind your own business and grow up, when you're quite finished growing... look no pension!

    Look at 200 years ago, european colonialism, slavery, the east end of London etc etc and see if the work of "radicals" hasn't got us anywhere, guys like Lloyd George or Tony Benn who are going until they f*ing die campaigning for decency. Noam Chomsky, yeah, he's like some teenager, not to be taken seriously. You tell me that's a youthful fad. In today's world?! Not so much. It's a bit laughable these days hahaha grow up son.

    Our problem is that we don't have that sort of solidarity, we certainly don't have those sorts of leaders. In the post-80s transnational world... politics is water off the business duck's back. We'll have PR fix that.

    Post-saachi politics... tabloid circus with big business bringing up the rear. Some things changed with globalisation in the 80s. We went back to the traditional medieval style. The disparity betweeen the "public line" and the "grim reality" is getting wider and wider. The papers and TV channels of the world are all owned by 3 companies. CCTV, the rather spooky Govt. TV channel in china... made by murdoch. It's properly freaky to watch. In the chinese papers the Dalai Llama is a paedophile.

    People, it is getting *worse*. This is *not* a joke. You should *not* "just mind your own business.

    Rupert Murdoch has been flying Cameron and Mandelson out to his yacht to plan out how to get the internet under the fox/sky monopoly. New laws within a week or two enforcing vintage copyright law in a new internet censoring way. Fuck's sakes the idiot thinks that google are "stealing" his stories hahahahaha. This is the type of stupid internet you'll get in 5 years. RIP geocities.

    What has music got to do with the world? Not much. But... the major record companies are indeed owned by some rather nasty banking types who don't listen to "common peoples' music", but instead get off on hiring lawyers to have the internet censored so they can print money from peoples' listening habits. These big investment companies also own things like landfilling sites, heavy industry, hotel chains etc etc. They don't believe in music and they don't believe in paying musicians. They won't invest another penny until the laws change to make the internet into a slot machine. You sign to a major, you'll get one advance to last you the next 10 years, unless you have a very skilled manager who works for you. Do your research, check out a major label's standard contract and figure out how much you'll make after the "deductions". I've been there, and done that.

    Seriously people, if you don't get your shit together and stop n00bing around like politics is a fashion statement of "idealistic youth"... we'll end up back in the dark ages but with plasma screens, private planes & designer drugs for the robber barons.

    Don't confuse a confederate with a yankee, don't confuse a marxist with a stalinist, and above all don't confuse socialism with anarchism! Fuck. Morons. "I'm a communist". Well moron.

    But don't be confused about what sort of world you're in, look up IG Farben, you'll find the nazi scientists once they got out of jail, they were running their companies again. Companies like bayer, a very big pharmaceutical giant, alive and well today. Same people, same business style, same agenda. Who do you think you're dealing with?

    I wouldn't suggest that being somewhat aware that most people in the west are ignorant consumer cogs in a rather scary global oligarchy as a faddish youth statement.

    Mmm Mr journo poking at the n00bs? Get out of your knuckled under over privileged bourgeoisie shell, complete with stylistic smugness and fashionable guile, go check out how companies run. Go get a job somewhere in the third world. Then tell me this stuff has anything to do with an idle joke or lifestyle choice.

    I kid you fucking not. This shit needs to be sorted out. There are some very powerful people out there whose attitude is genuinely medieval and whose wealth radar only reads in the billions, and they will enslave *anybody* and *anything* by the shipload. They run trade & industry today. They run russia good. Nothing close to an egalitarian system. Not where there's global sized dollars at stake.

    "communism failed" due to what stalin did, well check out what's going on in russia today with the ex-KGB oligarchs, the russian mafia and the industrial cartels... mmm. Then go read some marx and hegel.

    Today there are people out there whose wealth and power is so extreme that they're above the law. These people exploit relentlessly to preserve this. They're the royalty of industrial money. You won't have met them, but you've got their consumer durables. David Cameron grovels in their presence on your behalf, mind you.

    I was at a party a few years back. With the editor of ES magazine. I was saying that I was a bit pissed about bush jr. She said to me "I used to think about changing the world... then I got a mortgage".

    I had her repeat that a few times for everybody's benefit. That's the problem attitude. Bullshit people. She wouldn't know how to change a fuse.

    Don't be joking about with kids realising they're getting screwed like never before these days... *because they are*. Run your stats on 2050. Figure out what world it'll be. Then retreat into your mildly self oriented middle aged cosseted small minded suburban shell... or get fucking radical.
  • TL;DR
  • murray
    dont worry we know but what this asshole ( and he is an asshole) is saying is that when your young and you first become poltically aware you can fall into stereotypes about things like rick from the young ones that is true but as long as you grow out of it and develop your knowledge and understanding theres nothing wrong with it its a learning curve we all go through but that dosnt mean you cant be a socialist at a young age it dosnt mean you cant have a sense of social justice and heaven forbid read a decent book ( I do both trust me girls dont notice) and youd be hard pushed to find many socialists who have ever wanted to wear goverment made jeans its a broad spectrum of ideas not one extreme
  • readplatform
    oh just got to the bit where you ask the editor of ES mag to 'repeat it a few times for everyone's benefit'.

    that must have been a special time for you.

    ps if i delete your comment because it takes up to much space under the article does that make me part of the conspiracy? see you later david icke!

  • bishopdante
    Umm, Icke?! Hahaha. Where's the totally unbelievable incredulous bit about the aliens, lasers and it's cosmic... man? It's got shit to do with a single maniac bond villain conspiracy, it's not even hidden.

    Big business = Corruption.

    These days nearly most of a person's life is run by the machinations of big business, decisions made by people you've never met. Those people are the heads, the "capital".

    The fact that left leaning ideas are so utterly discredited, you can put that down to some excellent PR skullduggery emanating from the USA under Nixon/Reagan. "the fight against communism".

    PS: that woman was awfully bourgeoise-aspirational, and snooty with it. The line has stuck with me over the years:

    "I used to think *I* was going to change the world, and then *I* got a mortgage"... have a think about the kind of foolishness in that.

    You can delete it if you want, but I don't think it'd improve the page.
  • Robert Foster
    hey dummy.

    this was exactly the kind of thing i was talking about.

    this isn't the correct forum for this discussion. stop hijacking my shit with your boring rants you humourless fuck. we all know the world is bad and blah blah but we mainly put up pictures of hot girls and jokes about drugs and sex on here

    grow up etc and learn to pick your battles
  • bishopdante
    Yeah, this "bogus trendy" ill educated reaganite mock-n-roll attitude is one of the things that I'll fight *wherever* I find it.

    I find this type of propaganda shit so disturbing it haunts me. It ain't no moral highground you're occupying. This is neither conventional wisdom nor fresh ideas. I hope you don't have a particularly large base of readers, because this article is *highly* misleading in nature.

    Looking to get high & get your dick wet? Wanna tell the world? Yeah man, that's smart.

    That places this article as a mock post-punk version of a 1950s debutante esquire magazine in attitude.
  • Robert Foster
    you'll fight it wherever you find it?

    on pop culture websites that pretty much make a joke of everything?

    don't you think you're wasting your time?

    good luck anyway!!!!
  • bob
  • ...
    Problem is, Fun Bobby, that if this piece is just a big joke that doesn't not reflect your views, it's not funny. And if you mean what you say then it's up for discussion, no?
  • anonymous
  • readplatform
    hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahaha thanks buddy you gave us all a good laugh.

    fuck bush etc etc
  • BlueRuin
    I hate it in Urban Outfitters where all the staff are only wearing Urban Outfitters clothes and everyone who shops there is either wearing stuff bought from, or stuff that looks like it's been bought at Urban fucking Outfitters.
  • nelsonmandelson
    You basically just described a clothes shop. people that buy clothes from the shop go to that shop to buy more clothes. and the people that work in the shop model those clothes.
  • Lisa Bowman
    Yeah but if they were wearing Topshop that'd be a bit silly wouldn't it?

    And it sounds like bishopdante needs a cup of tea and a hug.
  • you're the best bobby.
  • Anonymous
    i like bleach way more than nevermind. they're both good though.
    but as one of said foolish teens who say stupid shit i reckon youve missed out on a few gems... "I HATE MY LIFE" is one "WHY CANT YOU JSUT LEAVE ME ALONE" is another and then theres my personal favourite; "I HATE YOU WHY DO YOU LOVE ME? MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU DIDNT CARE". food for thought.
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