Last week I left the platform office to its own devices and hauled my sorry ass North-bound to Scotland. What follows is unedited and EXPLICIT blogs of my trip.

WORDS: ELIZABETH SANKEY

BLOG 7

This is my final Edinblog.  I know.  Dark days await us all.  But we can’t prolong the inevitable.  I distracted myself by spending the last few days taking photos of children in wrestling masks.  I don’t really know what the legalities are in terms of ‘unknown children photography’ but there was a Japanese man also clicking away, so I assumed it was absolutely fine.  Obviously later realised he was the baby hulk’s father, which was both embarrassing and also strangely moving.  Anyway, their faces are covered so it doesn’t matter.  PIGS AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON ME.

I also took photos of some of the many old men who pound the mile with ridiculously huge cameras, taking photos of teenage girls dressed all sexy “in costume” to “promote the show”.  These men don’t work for anyone, their wives are usually wandering somewhere behind them in a Peter Storm mac, and their long range lenses seem a little unnecessary for the task in hand.  How far up the girls’ skirts do they want to get?  I saw one particularly old man in weird crocs-come-sandals actually directing one of his ‘models’, “OK darling, can you pout a bit more?  Put the left leg forward slightly…and let me just move that hair out of your eyes…lovely, lovely”.  Mate, you’re not David Bailey.  More like David Ballbag-covered-in-dried-smeg.

That last pair were a right ‘couple of jokers’ and we were actually having an alright chat until I suggested it was a bit weird they had such hi-tech cameras when they were ‘just taking photos for ourselves’.  They looked a bit angry and went away.  About 5 minutes later I saw them hiding under the darkness of a news agent’s canopy, snapping away at me.

Goodbye Edinburgh.

Oh and large props to Jake and George who came and said hello on the Royal Mile, you were both sweet and also very well dressed.  Not that I care about stuff like that (ahem) but I only had about 5 minutes to judge you, and I am a shallow mother fucker.

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