If there was any justice in the world, this man would need no introduction. But Crimewatch re-constructions, Ricky Martin not being allowed to bang anymore for fear of a hefty jail sentence, and me not BEING able to brick tourists faces in, whenever they stop in front of me unexpectedly in the middle of the street, have all taught me that there is no justice in the world. So I’ll have to give him one. And trust me I would. In more ways than you can imagine. So here is the one man singing sensation who will single-handedly grab the music industry by the balls in 2009, pull it close and say “you’re mine now bitch”. Well he would do that if only he’d sit still and answer a bloody question.
Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself? You know, all that A/S/L shit that no-one really cares about.
Ethnically unplaceable, gender unplaceable singing male. From New Malden. With black hair. Generally black. My throat is black from the inside. When there is no light, I am black. At nightime, I am black. During the day, I am asian.
Why are you not huge yet? We all know people can sometimes be a little slow on the uptake but come the fuck on.
Pass
Ciara, Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus are currently dominating the UK singles chart. Do you really want to share space with this shower of shits ?
Pass
Reading through a couple of your Youtube comments, you seem to get called a hefty lesbian a lot by angry Johnny Cash fans who can’t handle that you totally screwed him into the ground with your a cappella version of “Wayfaring Stranger.” You did go through a stage where you looked a bit like the lovechild of Nick from the Backstreet Boys circa 2001 and Sharleen Spiteri though, so I can understand where they’re coming from. Were you bullied a lot in school ?
Yes. I’m growing a beard though. Watch.
You also worked with the anonymous mercury music prize nominated producer Burial, on a remix of the aforementioned track. Is he really as ugly as I imagine him in my head ? And how did that collaboration come about ?
Pass
Are there any other artists you’d like to work with, alive or dead ? (And don’t be a tricky bastard and say Mark Speight)
Mark Speight
You seem to be a little too partial to that Stephen Hawkings voice box thing you use in live shows. Discuss
Pass
And finally, are the stereotypes about Asian men true ?
Stereotypes ?
Small cocks ? Shit in bed ? Use dim sum as an aphrodisiac ?
Yes
If I had the anatomy and ability, there would be very few moments in the day where I wouldn’t want to make mad passionate love to Jamie Woons larynx. If you like malaysian hybrids singing like angels, he is definitely worth a look.
WORDS: LOUISE HAYNES
