Latest Agony-uncle Posts

Keep the lie going. If Laurence Llewellyn Bowen is still claiming he’s not a fag and getting away with it then you can too. Alternatively if you want to lose your virginity you can just stop listening to Dubstep.

Contrary to what you may think, she definitely knows what’s going on. Bitches love men that can protect them, and she’s testing you to see how you handle this clown, she secretly wants you to kick the shit out of him because blood and violence give women massive wide-on’s. Not that they’d ever admit it.

Sit his self-pitying ass down and remind him of everything else in his life that’s really shitty and then break up with him, remember to do the first step if you don’t want to be name checked in his suicide note. We don’t need him pissing in the gene pool.

You probably are dumb but as a rule of thumb, whatever bra size you had in school was probably the highest mark you ever got, so you need to email me your bra size with photographic evidence for further advice.

He’s wrong and lying. He just wants to have sex with you and to be quite honest I think you probably should, he might tell your friends you’re frigid and you don’t want to be known as frigid because only unpopular girls are frigid. If you have any further queries then holla at agonyuncle@readplatform.com

Like I told the kids who fingered those Catholic priests, stop snitching.

I can’t help but feel no sympathy for you because you’re just so pathetic; it’s like seeing really fat people having trouble using their touch screen phones. They only have themselves to blame since it’s their fault they got that fat in the first place and it was their own retarded decision to purchase a phone their chubby sausage fingers can’t use. You forfeit your right to get pissy when I text all my friends about you if you’re a fat bloke using a stylus with an iPhone.