Two pretty exciting things have happened in the world of crazy killers “recently” (not that recently).

Firstly, in September someone decided a guy was Charles Manson’s kid and he’s on a mad cashing in bender, even though all the other kids he sired knew about it ages ago and did the classy thing by moving in with their maternal grandparents and shutting the hell up about it.

Matthew Roberts is a forty year old LA strip club DJ with a gross celtic tattoo crucifix pendant and loads of rings. He’s exactly the kind of guy who hopes he is Charles Manson’s kid – a fucking loser with a bad goth/industrial band. He’s since renamed his band New Son Rising (cos he’s the new son, and he’s rising, right?) and he’s on the media warpath.

Good for him though, he seems like a nice enough guy (sorry for calling you a fucking loser bro!!!) and son-of-a-famous-guy goth related bands are on my radar at the moment, ever since I got into Nic Cage’s kid Weston’s symphonic black metal band Eyes Of Noctum. Check out what a fucking babe Weston is too. I snooped around on facebook and even found his girlfriend’s flickr - she’s a total hottie too. Watching them do it would be like watching two fallen angels embrace and create a whole new dark erotic enegy and stuff! HAAAAAWWWWTTTT.

But I digress, what I was going to say was that wouldn’t you prefer Charles Manson’s kid to be something a bit more interesting? Wouldn’t it have been amazing if he was in local government or in charge of a children’s ward? Or an atomic scientist? Just something that would make him actually creepy, not Rob Zombie cuddly creepy? If he had to be a musician he could have done something a little more intelligent than play dated goth rock. If I was him I would have gone down the Death In June neofolk route, acted all austere and severe and dressed like a really smart nazi, imagine if these guys were related to Charles Manson. That’d be way more respectable, no?

But whatever, the truth is always way lamer than the idea. Take, for instance, ol’ Charlie M himself - he’s venerated by a certain type of guy the world over as this hyper-intelligent force of evil who lead a group of beautiful murderous flower children and had visionary ideas about pop culture and the way our entire culture was headed. The idea of him is fucking great, but the truth about Charlie is 1000 times less exciting, and five minutes on his Wikipedia page or Youtube will tell you that. He was a drifter, a snake oil salesman and at one point a pretty decent musician. Then he did a thing and then he went to jail. If that thing hadn’t involved anyone famous (even the bits about hanging out with the Dennis Wilson aren’t terribly impressive, I can’t imagine hanging around a drug addled famous guy’s house was that hard in LA in 1968) then he would have sunk without a trace. Now he’s just a mad old guy in prison saying stupid things.

Here’s a tramp dancing for change in Sheffield:

Here’s Charles Manson dancing for TV cameras in prison:

The tramp is way better at dancing and doesn’t go on about himself the whole time. I bet there’s 50,000 guys like Manson kicking around - crazy acid casualties with a story to tell about the late 60s, and I bet quite a few of them didn’t advocate race war and did more than just study a bit of Scientology in prison before they decided they had it all worked out.

Put simply, the idea of Charles Manson is a lot more exciting than the man himself, the more you find out about him, the more of a confused chancer with no really interesting ideas he turns out to be.

The second bit of crazy killer action that’s happened of late is that Rodney Alcala got sentenced to death in California. He’s not a great guy, the internet will tell you that if you’re reading this in England and the news will have told you that if you’re reading this in America, but he’s doing a more successful job of being interesting to me than Charles Manson has done recently (despite some new choons coming out).

You see, aside from all the things wot he dun, he’s a hip guy. He’s got a fine art degree from UCLA, he studied film under fucking Roman Polanski (which I spose is also a Manson link…) at NYU and did graphic design for the LA Times. Look at the guy, he looks exactly like Gavin McInnes:

He’s grown his hair out since then, but he still looks like a sociology lecturer on his way to Brian Eno’s house for a dinner party.

He was also a keen amateur photographer, and took these well composed, sensitively lit photographs of some of his victims before he tortured them, strangled them and then revived them to continue torturing them…






Oh, and someone let him on a fucking game show, even though he’d already been convicted for kidnapping and raping an 8 year old. Like John Goodman said: “eight year olds, dude, eight year olds.”

This show’s a big deal in America right? I’m English so I don’t know. It’s cool that Steve Martin and Andy Kaufman were on it too.