The other day I wrote a post about ways not to fuck up a fuck, I called it Ways Not To Fuck Up A Fuck. It really annoyed a few of you, as usual, which is totally fine. Oscar Wilde had a saying about situations like that, and I completely subscribe to his way of thinking in that regard. We got a couple of emails about what a dick I was but otherwise it was no big deal.

However, this one girl read it, really didn’t like it, and wrote about it on a feminist blog she contributes to. I got sent a link by someone, then I sent it to Tuvshin (of agony uncle fame) cos he enjoys stuff like that. Both of us commented a bunch of stuff about how she’d misinterpreted stuff/lost her sense of humour etc. (I really love the internet for stuff like this, anonymity and the fact other people can’t physically hit you means you can be as snide and unpleasant as you like and no one will get me you) and I think we would have left it, but you know what? It was one of those blogs with a comment approval thing, so anything we said, they just didn’t publish. They only allowed comments that agreed with them! Frustrating no?

Anyhoo, I sort of forgot about it (I’m the bigger man etc. etc.), but it really riled Tuvshin up. He wrote this response to her blog post about my blog post, so essentially it’s a blogpost about a blogpost about a blogpost. Either way, it clears up a few things I was talking about in my original piece, for those of you who didn’t get it.

Here he is.

I was catching up on my not doing my agony uncle duties when Robert Foster linked this (click on it or you won’t understand the rest of this post), in feminist blog Feminazery. I know that any sites that names itself after the term ‘Feminazi’ is going to be fucking retarded, so I read it and it just so happened I didn’t froth at the mouth… because I’m not an over eager idiot that gets easily offended.

The blog post is entitled “Oh no you did not just say that”, and I hereby suggest it be retitled “I get ass-hurt over the smallest shit and the internet gives me a platform to complain on my blog which inexplicably seems to be somewhat popular”.

To begin with, she calls Platform a ‘hipster magazine’, and to be honest I’m not too sure what that means but apparently it has something to do with wearing ‘skinny jeans and being a trust fund “artist”’. (Note: sarcastic quotations! This bitch is straight up hilarious! She’s totally right! You’re not a real artist unless you’re poor because art is all about clichés! Rich people, you can’t be artists so fuck you!)

Then she begins her dissection of Robert Foster’s article (read it here so I don’t have to quote her quoting him, and this whole thing will take ages):

“Buh? Maybe, Robert Foster, she didn’t want to jump into bed with you straight away because she had an inkling that because you’re a “nice fucking guy” you are actually a woman-hating entitled dickwad who thinks being nice to someone with tits and a vagina automatically results in you being able to put your penis inside her. Here’s a tip, Robert Foster: no, it doesn’t.”

Buh? Maybe, Random Internet Bitch, you should stop jumping to ridiculous conclusions. He’s automatically a woman-hater because he thinks a girl who strings a guy along is kind of a dick? What? He obviously doesn’t think he’s entitled to sex just because he’s nice to her, the whole subtext of the article is about romantic relationships, and so in this context your assertion that Bob is a “woman-hating entitled dickwad” just doesn’t ring true. When a girl intentionally doesn’t put out in what could be perceived as a romantic relationship it definitely means something, and what Random Internet Bitch does here is over simplify the nuances of what’s going on and grossly misunderstand what he’s saying. Why is that Random Internet Bitch? It’s almost like you’re fucking clueless and completely inexperienced when it comes to relations between men and women, but you’ll gladly jump on your trusty moral high horse at the drop of a hat. Is this because you’re so uninteresting that your entire sense of identity has to come from being a woman?

Robert Foster. According to Feminazery.

“Robert Foster said: “if you haven’t been intimate with someone but they gave you the gift of their number or their BBM, they might be a little into you, which is totally fair enough, you’re a nice guy and you were funny and you bought her a drink but didn’t force her to hang out with you overly long, follow her around the bar like a psycho cos you got too drunk or wink at her or any of that shit.”

Still doesn’t entitle you to a shag. Ever. Do you know why, Robert Foster? Because you bought her a drink. She gave you her number. It’s not an all-access pass to her vagina. But it’s ok, because you’re a “nice fucking guy” who equates dating-but-not-having-sex as ruining some poor man’s life.”

Are you trying to say that in this scenario that Robert Foster fucking made up the only reason the girl gave him her actual number was because he bought her a drink? Even in Robert Foster’s wildest dream that shit wouldn’t happen. Have you ever been approached by a guy in a bar? Do you even know anyone that’s been approached by a guy in a bar? When a woman gives out her phone number to a guy they don’t know whilst on a night out it’s a big fucking hint she “might be a little into you”. It just is.

But Random Internet Bitch doesn’t stop there.

“‘No’ does sometimes mean ‘yes’”
“He said it.

What. The. Blithering. Fuck?


You know what that is, Robert Foster? That, Mr “nice fucking guy” is called the Women-Hating Rape Apologist’s Favourite Line. And it’s BOLLOCKS. No =/= yes. It is that fucking simple. They are two entirely mutually-exclusive answers. Opposite answers, in fact. No is used to express refusal or denial, and yes is used to express permission, acceptance. If you, or anyone else, is having issues confusing the two, might I suggest a quiet evening spent with the dictionary, or possibly a role-playing scenario. Or therapy.”

Random Internet Bitch, it seems you’re mistakenly picturing Robert Foster to be pounding away mercilessly on some doe eyed young gal (odd that you’d picture that, R.I.B) over a pinball machine whilst confusing her cries of ‘No’ with ‘Yes’. That’s not what’s happening here, what he clearly means is that sometimes girls say things like ‘I’ve never done this before’ and ‘You can stay over but we’re not having sex’ and often mean the opposite/they are talking bullshit.

She finishes her post with: “And it’s really, really not fucking hipster.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

But even more hilarious are the outraged comments, the type of reactionary comments you’d read in the Metro letters section. A sampler:

“I tell you what. This guy definitely isn’t getting laid anytimes soon with this attitude.”

Omg lol Yeah ‘Lolly the Monkeh’ you are so totally right, I mean I know Bob’s got a girlfriend and everything but you’re still right. Hilarious name by the way! So random lol! Email me! I’m still single, not like Bob!, we can talk about all the stuff we like about Claire’s Accessories and rainbow colour toe socks!

“To Robert above - please don’t address us as “girls.” We on this blog are fully grown adult women and men. To talk about girls and consensual sex in the same sentence doesn’t look fantastic, does it? You can refer to your readers as “boys” all you like, they may well be boys, I have no idea as I’ve never read your publication save for Emma’s link above, but please do not attempt to belittle us by referring to us as children.”

Hey there ‘Ms Kitton! It’s almost like you have nothing of worth to say so you pointlessly lambaste Robert over the semantics of the word ‘girls’.

“The Nice Guy thinks that they know a woman’s mind better than she does, whereas a Good Man accepts that a woman has autonomy and can make decisions, even contrary ones, and respect is paramount.”

=  I want a guy to listen to me and treat me as an equal but not call me out on my bullshit.

I’m not going to call her blog post a stream of man-hating idiocy because it’s not, it’s just someone taking a stand for what they believe is right (although they could have picked a cause that actually matters like child labour or some shit). However, what I think is really unforgivable is the fact their blog censors comments. A blog for liberal and progressive views censoring comments - that’s like planning to stop a controversial but legitimate political party from exercising their right to demonstrate by demonstrating.

The title of the article is my comment that was censored but now it’s out there for the world to see so FUCK YOU FEMINAZERY I WON IN THE END (sort of).