“The Internet is completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it. The Internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”

Not my words, but the words of the wise prophet Prince. Prince has been so far ahead of the game these past few years, they’re tough words to ignore. You’d be foolish too. Prince was like one of the first people ever to give his music away with the Daily Mail. He also did that thing where he changed his name to a symbol and then changed it back to Prince. The guy is a pioneer with some serious clairvoyant shit going on. Who could have predicted that his brand of spacefunk would still be totally relevant in 2010 - no one! But it is. Prince is selling like 20k albums a year now.

Here’s some other stuff that’s completely over. Prince knows.


You know what, fuck mobile phones. They are completely over. iPhones are like MTV. For ages everyone was all over them, queuing up in Oxford St to get the .4 version. But where are mobile phones now? I got a phone stolen from me while dicking about in the park the other day and my network told me to go fuck myself and wouldn’t pay out on the insurance. Thank god for that. I don’t need a mobile phone. I’ve started talking to people in person instead. Re-Al. Life. In-Ter-Ac-Tion. I’ve got loads of shit done. I use the bus terminal in Wood Green for all my business calls. It’s totally fine and I have a lot of business calls to make. Believe me. I’m doing a lot of business just fine without a mobile fucking phone. Fuck mobile phones, they just fill your head with cancer and numbers. I don’t need them. NEXT!


Flying is completely over. You can get a train or boat to pretty much anywhere in the world now whenever you want. I can now get from London to Coventry in like less than an hour. A plane can’t do that. Planes are lazy pieces of crap that fly nowhere useful. And all that lifejacket safety procedure stuff, what a load of rubbish. If a plane crashes, which they usually do, then it’s not as if I can swim to safety. You can’t even open a window on a plane without getting clamped down by some heavy handed plane cop on a power trip. Dude, it gets fucking hot up there near the sun, I’m gonna wanna open a little window, let some air in, let your bad vibes out. Fuck planes, they’re completely over.


Computers are a complete waste of time. The other night I came in drunk and spilled a pint of water over my laptop. You know what the little baby did? It had a big crying fit about it and completely packed up. I have a shower every fucking day and it doesn’t stop me from doing things.  And talk about iTunes filling your head with numbers - computers only use numbers. But they’re not even smart enough to use more than two. One. Zero. One. Zero. Fucking hell, get some new ideas.


Why would you want to have sex with another person anymore? You might make a baby the world doesn’t need or like, or you’ll probably catch AIDs. Both most likely. You can have way more fun on your own with a few lighted candles, a mirror and a big wet bath. You don’t get caught up in other people’s anxieties that way - “Am I too fat?” “Am I too skinny?” “Am I sucking too hard?” “Do you want me to swallow this?” Boring. I can’t be bothered to masturbate into any more girls.


When was the last time you drank a glass of water and really liked it? I can now go into any shop I want and buy any drink I desire. Why would I pay for one I can get from simply spitting in my own mouth? My body is made up of like 70% of the stuff. I don’t need anymore of it. Water is a con. Water is completely over.