I have seen some seriously gnarly shit in my lifetime.

I’ve seen a dude’s tibia pop out of his body after getting nailed on his bike by a taxicab. I’ve seen a girl at a party throw up down the front of her pants and then do a front-flip off of a staircase. I have seen a “little person” blow a line of cocaine off of a stripper’s ass. I have seen a supermarket worker totally lose it and smash a cash register over a woman’s back.  I have seen a mansion explode into bits. I have seen a tiger bite off a human hand. I have seen a Civil War reenactor doing the “walk of shame”. I have seen an Asian grandmother get windblown into the Grand Canyon.  I have seen ODB fall asleep onstage days before died.  I have seen a 12 year-old skateboarder kick the shit out of a cop. I have seen the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I have seen Arthur Lee taking a piss on a dumpster.  I’ve seen the Rolling Stones play to a room of 100 people. I have seen the sunrise over the Gettysburg battlefield.  I have seen “former heavyweight boxer” Peter McNeeley rob a convenience store out of $12.  I have seen Dave Mustaine fire 12 people from the Megadeth road crew with a snap of his finger.  I have seen Ben Affleck get denied from a Boston dive bar. I have seen a man eat 27 hot dogs in a half-hour. I have seen Metallica and Guns n’ Roses on the same bill. I have seen Henry Rollins tickle a puppy. I have seen a bouncer put 3 skinheads in one headlock, and I have seen EVERY Steven Segal movie ever made.

Now what is the one of the gnarliest things that I have ever heard? That would be Motorhead’s Ace of Spades album. Lemmy sounds like he had been eating Rice Krispies with razor blade topping for years and the band backs him like a battering ram from hell that set off musical a-bombs song by song. If you ever find yourself in a high-speed pursuit with law enforcement, just pop this puppy into your 8-track and let your shit fly.

Is it weird that want “Love Me Like A Reptile” as my wedding song? Fuck no. Motorhead is gnarly as fuck. Go steal this record.