When I get in from work I like to kick it and get on with my shit, I don’t really want to talk to anyone or deal with anything serious because that’s what work-time is for.
It sucks when some guy calls you up to talk about dramas and gets all aggy when all you want to do is take out your washing and watch TV, it’s hard to pay attention to his issues and it makes you resent them really badly for calling and ruining your night.

That thing that crazy poor parents do where they push their kids’ talents because they think it’s their ticket out of the ghetto is fucking retarded. Have you ever seen any of those weirdly good at stuff kids actually make it beyond novelty act? It never happens. Even Bow Wow is gonna be haunted by Lil Bow Wow til he dies, and he only made it cos he’s Snoop’s nephew. This fat kid is gonna be over rapping by 15, and the 9 year olds in sexy clothes who dance behind him are gonna have a pretty fucked up attitude to sex later in life.

when you hook up with ugly people when you’re drunk they’re so starved of sexual contact that all they want to do is make out for fucking ages. It actually hurts your jaw and chaps your lips but it’s like being fourteen again and it feels fucking great.

When I was a 15 I went out with a girl who thought she might be a witch. Even as an adolescent with a pretty serious Obituary obsession I thought this was retarded, but she let me touch her swimsuit parts a bit so I let it slide. She thought that she got me cos of a spell she had cast with her friend. It was really because she had developed pretty early and wore small crop tops. Her hormones made her dumb enough to think those crop tops were magic.

I rely on sexual prowess to get girls than any magic, when it comes to fucking up my enemies however, I’m physically very weak but I’m also very bitter and vengeful. If I cut off the head of one of my enemies I don’t want to have their torment end at death. I’m going to follow the instructions in this video so that they have to spend eternity in the FUCKING ABYSS.

Girls from drama school are fucking difficult to deal with, but that doesn’t matter because today I’m discussing the characters from movies I’d marry. I am a pretty great catch so I don’t see why I’d have a problem convincing them to do it.

Being a prick is a great way to assert yourself among a group of people - doing something truly awful for the world to see really sets you apart. I’ve found a few examples of prick moves for you to copy.

I grew up with some great male role models in my life. Unfortunately, I paid no attention to them because I’m a fucking brat. Instead I preferred trying to be like wise guy slackers in movies. Here are a few of my movie best friends that I wanted to be like.

Here’s a list of terrifying things I consider in my darker moments, some of them might apply to you too. To make things easier to deal with I’m going to illustrate this whole thing with pictures of animals from cuteoverload.com.

A few things, including this McDonalds Big Tasty, have let me down in life. I’m sharing some of them with you today.

I thought Steeleye Span was the worst thing ever til I tried listening to them, now I own three albums. Here are some other things I thought I’d hate that I ended up liking.