Gettin’ Lean On Codeine: A How To Guide

The Great British summer is upon us; no more putting off doing that essay you’ve had over four months to do, no more time spent in libraries pretending you know what you’re doing with that highlighter in your hand when all you’re really doing is checking out smashable thangz in the library (where the fuck are all those cuties hiding out when they’re not looking for books on Fauvism in the library?). Although that also means no more layering clothes to hide your muffin tops and praise be to Allah for no more Ugg boots.

But now that you’ve finished your shit and summer’s here, finally you’ve got all the time in the world to whatever you want, and now you find out you haven’t got a single thing to actually do. (Unless your one of those cunts going backpacking across Thailand or summit).

But never fear, Agony Uncle is here. For all the broke muthafuckaz I’m going to show you how to have some cheap thrills with nothing but water, a fridge and a pack of Paracetamol & Codeine tablets you can buy in any pharmacy like the one we used here:

For the proper stingy fucks out there you can actually get a £1.49 discount own brand version from a shop we’ll call ‘Boobs’, just keep your eyes peeled for a plain white pack.

You’ll need:
Paracetamol & Codeine (preferably without caffeine in them)
* Warmed water
* Cold water
* A fridge
* Two water containers (Can be a glass/jar/bottle etc)
* A filter (something fine like a coffee filter)


Pop them pills on to a piece of paper. You can either crush the pills or if you’re as lazy as us you can just leave it.


Put your pills (crushed or otherwise) into the container.


Put in the warm water. You don’t want the water to be hot, just warm and you only really want an inch or so of water.


If the water you put in the container was actually a little too hot like the dickface with the fucking kettle in the last picture just go ahead and put in some cold water like so:


You’ll need to put give it a good shake. You wanna shake it fast, shake it quick, rub your batty all over my dick.

Now you just need to put it in the fridge or if you don’t have a fridge, then some ice…..

….and a bucket might come in really handy. You want to leave for around 30 minutes (the longer the better), giving it a good shake every now and then. (Tucking in socks into chinos and thus looking thugnificent is optional).


Now here’s one we made earlier, and yours should look something like this:


You’ll need to filter this shit into the container you wanna drink it from, just don’t use anything too fine like a beloved (and clean) hanky because the bits of paracetamol will clog it up really quickly and you’ll just get tiny drips and you’ll end having to puncture some holes into said beloved hanky.

Now that you’ve filtered it you’re done!… be warned you might wanna mix it with something to dull that ass-filtered-bong-water aftertaste.

But was all that hassle worth it? Considering Robert “Straight Edge 4EVA” Foster stayed at the office until 9pm listening to DJ Screw mixtapes and I almost tolerated Dubstep for a moment I’d say it’s pretty bang tidy like.


  • Ed June 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    snap on the primark shoes for £5

  • Ed June 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    snap on the primark shoes for £5

  • Ed June 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    snap on the primark shoes for £5

  • haroldshipman June 7, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    I prefer morphine

  • Adèle Austin June 7, 2010 at 11:07 pm


  • hmmm June 8, 2010 at 12:16 am

    arent codeine pills behind the counter? or not…

  • Bertie McHeinz June 8, 2010 at 1:19 am

    Pretty weakass shit. How hard is it to go to your GP, complain of persistent pain in your back, say ibuprofen isn't helping, and BOOM! You've got a prescription for co-codamol. This means you don't have to act like some fucking vagrant using the CWE to get your skanky fix: you can just pop a few cocos as the paracetamol-to-codeine ratio is much lower.

    But hey, maybe shit's different in Malaya, or wherever it is you're from.

    • Hfhkdbg June 10, 2010 at 4:33 am

      dude you don't even need a prescription for co-codamol . it's 98p from sainsbury's………………………so your comment was pointless. whilst I'm at it, you seem like a cunt, so fuck you

  • James June 8, 2010 at 9:18 am

    learn the difference between their/they're/there and your/you're.

    • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 8, 2010 at 12:52 pm


    • CUNT June 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm

      Look who's the dick. Perhaps you should learn the uses of those words, the usage's' are fine in this article.

      • James June 8, 2010 at 6:09 pm

        'Unless your one of those'

        'or if your as lazy as us'

        sure about that?

  • douche June 8, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    “be very careful and do NOT take codeine with paracetamol for recreational purposes. this is toxic to the liver and kidneys and causes kidney FAILURE (death) over time. very dangerous. very VERY dangerous.”

    • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 8, 2010 at 5:05 pm

      Do you understand the point of putting it in water and filtering it?

      It's almost like the whole point of the article is to show how to extract codeine.

      • DwightMcCarthy June 9, 2010 at 7:31 pm

        Yeah dude but you didn't at any point explain that, at one point you even suggested picking holes in the filter if it becomes blocked without really explaining the point of the filtration step. Anyone who doesn't really appreciate chemistry, i.e. art students i.e. pretty much the majority of our demographic isn't going to really understand the procedure and any mistakes could be deadly. If someone fucks this up and decides to neck the whole thing anyway, they gonna die dude.

        • DwightMcCarthy June 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm

          May I add if you want to be really smart about this, if you have any digital scales which you bought for weighing your weed you could even measure the dry mass of the rententate (the stuff caught in the filter) and check your extraction was efficient, or you could just look at it and figure “does this look like a similar mass to the amount of pills you put in?”

          • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 9, 2010 at 11:43 pm

            When I wrote it I kinda assumed even art students are smart enough to know doing 32 pills of 500mg of Paracetamol is a bad idea.

            The picking holes bit was kinda a throwaway line. Even if you puncture little wholes in a hanky it'll still clog up really quickly and you'll end up using different bits of the hanky to filter it but I didn't include that bit of mind numbingly boring information because I'd assumed no-one would be as retarded as to repeat my ridiculous mistake.

            lol @ digital scales for weighing my weed. I'm not on your level bro.

  • eryiasdghjkxbzc June 8, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    you don't need a prescription for co-codamol, as long as you are over 16, you can buy it, no questions asked pretty cheaply.
    anyway,…., this contains dihydrocodeine, without prescription.

    • Bertie McHeinz June 8, 2010 at 7:49 pm

      Dihydrocodeine is different to codeine. It's generally considered to be stronger; ergo you need less to achieve the desired recreational effects. In my own personal experience with dihydrocodeine/paracetamol combination medicines, however, it's nothing special at all. You'll notice, also, that there's not even 8mg of dihydro per pill in paramol. This compares unfavourably with co-codamol, which contains 30mg of codeine to 500mg of paracetamol. Neck four of those and you're high as a fucking kite, without putting your liver in any danger (unless you're afflicted with cirrhosis, or some shit). Regrettably you cannot simply buy co-codamol with that ratio of codeine-to-paracetamol over the counter; hence the need to lie to a doctor. You're probably thinking of one of the myriad OTC codeine/paracetamol combos you can buy in Boots or Lloyd's; these typically have around 8mg of codeine to 500mg of paracetamol.

      tl;dr? Fuck y'all.

      • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 8, 2010 at 8:37 pm

        A 32 pack of 8mg codeine/paracetamol contains 256mg of codeine, and according to you 120mg is enough to get high then what's your beef?

        Going to the doctors is for pussys.

        • Bertie McHeinz June 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm

          Because that way you don't have to fanny around extracting the codeine, you don't lose any of the codeine, you don't have to force that bitter concoction down your neck, it's cheaper, and you won't fuck your liver if you mess things up. Also: you feel marginally less trampish.

          • dummy June 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm

            you're a dork.

            • Bertie McHeinz June 10, 2010 at 2:43 pm

              Haters gon' hate.

  • lilcram June 9, 2010 at 3:43 am

    Lucky brits! Best thing we have OTC in America is DXM

    • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 9, 2010 at 10:58 am

      You're in luck, the sequel to this is on DXM.

  • deltoro June 9, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    Are you sure the parcetamal doesn't dissolve in the water aswell?

  • Wooohooooooo June 10, 2010 at 4:36 am

    Right then, hey ho, let's go! I'll try anything once. If things don't go to plan then Tuvshin you'd better be at my funeral or I'll fucking haunt you for years XX

    • Lawman June 11, 2010 at 11:29 am

      like this kid, his name is actually wooooohooooooo - mate your so dead.

  • Arts student June 11, 2010 at 10:26 am

    As an arts student, I can confidently say that a 'science bit' would stop my clan overdosing, e.g. explain what happens if you balls up any of these stages.

    • Jake July 26, 2010 at 12:32 am

      Symptoms of paracetamol overdosage in the first 24 hours are pallor, nausea, vomiting, anorexia and abdominal pain. Liver damage may become apparent 12 to 48 hours after ingestion. Abnormalities of glucose metabolism and metabolic acidosis may occur. In severe poisoning, hepatic failure may progress to encephalopathy, haemorrhage, hypoglycaemia, cerebral oedema, and death. Acute renal failure with acute tubular necrosis, strongly suggested by loin pain, haematuria and proteinuria, may develop even in the absence of severe liver damage. Cardiac arrhythmias and pancreatitis have been reported.

  • Theneaperman June 11, 2010 at 10:44 am

    this is really stupid and irresposible shit. I like to get high probably more than the next person but have you ever seen some one suffering a paracetamol overdose? nothing pretty about this. i can't believe you're stupid enough to publish this. oh right, people are going to follow these detailed and precise instructions properly, so it's all right?

    • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 11, 2010 at 11:53 am

      I'm not going to hold anyone's hand.If your retarded enough to take this article as gospel then quite frankly if you do die of an overdose you've done the gene pool a favour.

      It's not my responsibility to molly coddle the dumb ones JUST IN CASE.

      • Platform June 11, 2010 at 6:06 pm

        We love you Tuvshin.

      • sourbuzz June 27, 2010 at 10:49 pm

        Sensible people won't try this “retarded” people will “take this article as gospel”. If someone does die of an overdose I wonder if you will still think they've “done the gene pool a favour”.

  • LAWMAN June 11, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Bate some thick as shit kid is going to try this and Platform is going to get sued, que platform taking the article down and pretending nothing happened right about now. There is nothing wrong with this article per say, just unluckily for you kids are stupid.

  • bah June 11, 2010 at 11:50 am

    This is terrible. Freekin' super hip ReadPlatform you suck.

  • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 11, 2010 at 11:53 am

    I'm not going to hold anyone's hand.If your retarded enough to take this article as gospel then quite frankly if you do die of an overdose you've done the gene pool a favour.

    It's not my responsibility to molly coddle the dumb ones JUST IN CASE.

  • tim June 13, 2010 at 12:12 am

    shit diz is edgy wiish i was cool n indie and FUCKIN RETARDED enuff 2 do it

  • tim June 13, 2010 at 12:12 am

    shit diz is edgy wiish i was cool n indie and FUCKIN RETARDED enuff 2 do it

  • trebuchet June 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Lighten up. just necked the lot. LAD. - aha, seriously though, how much do you use? pill-wise.

  • Mediguest June 13, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    Paracetamol overdose is a very very nasty way to die. It takes a days or so before you realise you've overdosed, then it's already too late once you do - it's a painful slow death in hospital with doctors unable to help. Platform, please remove this article.

  • trebuchet June 14, 2010 at 11:03 am

    jeez, i want to party with you guys- NAAT! if it was that dangerous they wouldn't have published it.

    • TUVSHIN BOLOR June 14, 2010 at 1:36 pm

      You can definitely die if you get it wrong.

      6 grams of Paracetamol is enough to kill you and there's 16 grams of Paracetamol I'm filtering there.

      • trebuchet June 14, 2010 at 4:38 pm

        have you actually tested it then?

  • sexyjamie June 23, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    I'd rather snort NRG1 than go through that effort

  • sourbuzz June 24, 2010 at 1:20 am

    you do realise that some 15 year old is going to try this completely fuck up the process and end with liver damage or worse? very irresponsible to publish something like this.

    • Zoinks June 24, 2010 at 9:35 am

      meh. who cares

    • marleyt July 5, 2010 at 6:20 pm

      stop ruining our fun

  • free prescriptions FTW June 24, 2010 at 10:09 am

    you guys need to get your hands on some freaking oxycodone or diazepam!

  • marley* July 7, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    just made it at 5 ! its okay i guess

  • marley* July 7, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    woww i <3 it!!!

  • Andy C July 14, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Codiene is straight up pussy shit & all these whiney bitches complaining 'aaaahhhh someone gonna die ahhhhh' are fucking pathetic.

    People need to lighten up.

  • benjoid September 7, 2010 at 10:12 am

    stop acting like pussies and score some heroin and shoot up. You are all so pathetic.

    I can't believe this page even exists.

    • Robert Foster September 7, 2010 at 2:59 pm

      it’s just a bit of fun pal, relax. drugs aren’t a pissing contest they’re about having fun!

  • Tallulah September 14, 2010 at 2:21 am

    Seven hours later and I still cannot sleep, you fuckers. Fun though..

  • Eskimaux September 27, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Out of pure boredom and a desire to feel… well numb I decided to embark on a like totally spiritual experience. I have dissolved 8, 8mg co-codamol (500mg para) blah blah blah yeah well you did read the instructions. I have swilled back the contents no mixer - hard I am. Feel pretty mellow think I'm gonna stare at the ceiling and listen to pretty music… Jeez I really need to get a job.

  • Jade October 30, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Amateurs! You should use a pint glass, let the filtrate sink to the bottom and siphon-off the clear layer with a pipette and u should also be using at least 3 boxes of the cocodamol

    fuck it, go and score some heroin it’s easier, quicker and lasts longer


    Leave a Reply


    Loading previews