Gettin’ Lean On Codeine: A How To Guide

The Great British summer is upon us; no more putting off doing that essay you’ve had over four months to do, no more time spent in libraries pretending you know what you’re doing with that highlighter in your hand when all you’re really doing is checking out smashable thangz in the library (where the fuck are all those cuties hiding out when they’re not looking for books on Fauvism in the library?). Although that also means no more layering clothes to hide your muffin tops and praise be to Allah for no more Ugg boots.

But now that you’ve finished your shit and summer’s here, finally you’ve got all the time in the world to whatever you want, and now you find out you haven’t got a single thing to actually do. (Unless your one of those cunts going backpacking across Thailand or summit).

But never fear, Agony Uncle is here. For all the broke muthafuckaz I’m going to show you how to have some cheap thrills with nothing but water, a fridge and a pack of Paracetamol & Codeine tablets you can buy in any pharmacy like the one we used here:

For the proper stingy fucks out there you can actually get a £1.49 discount own brand version from a shop we’ll call ‘Boobs’, just keep your eyes peeled for a plain white pack.

You’ll need:
* Paracetamol & Codeine (preferably without caffeine in them)
* Warmed water
* Cold water
* A fridge
* Two water containers (Can be a glass/jar/bottle etc)
* A filter (something fine like a coffee filter)

STEP 1:

Pop them pills on to a piece of paper. You can either crush the pills or if you’re as lazy as us you can just leave it.

STEP 2:
Put your pills (crushed or otherwise) into the container.

STEP 3:
Put in the warm water. You don’t want the water to be hot, just warm and you only really want an inch or so of water.

STEP 4:
If the water you put in the container was actually a little too hot like the dickface with the fucking kettle in the last picture just go ahead and put in some cold water like so:

STEP 5:
You’ll need to put give it a good shake. You wanna shake it fast, shake it quick, rub your batty all over my dick.

Now you just need to put it in the fridge or if you don’t have a fridge, then some ice…..

….and a bucket might come in really handy. You want to leave for around 30 minutes (the longer the better), giving it a good shake every now and then. (Tucking in socks into chinos and thus looking thugnificent is optional).

STEP 6:
Now here’s one we made earlier, and yours should look something like this:

Lovely.

You’ll need to filter this shit into the container you wanna drink it from, just don’t use anything too fine like a beloved (and clean) hanky because the bits of paracetamol will clog it up really quickly and you’ll just get tiny drips and you’ll end having to puncture some holes into said beloved hanky.

Now that you’ve filtered it you’re done!… be warned you might wanna mix it with something to dull that ass-filtered-bong-water aftertaste.

But was all that hassle worth it? Considering Robert “Straight Edge 4EVA” Foster stayed at the office until 9pm listening to DJ Screw mixtapes and I almost tolerated Dubstep for a moment I’d say it’s pretty bang tidy like.