One of the worst things I’ve ever done is be sick during sex. It was with someone I had only met that night and had done that thing that sometimes happens where you’re relentlessly rude to a girl until they sleep with you.

I was being awful, I was making fun of her, being as arrogant as possible, drinking a lot and generally being boorish in the extreme. I basically appalled her into bed.

When we were in bed I took ages to get it up, and my devil may care, Flash Harry act kind of fell apart, and I think she started to get bored, and I started being all ‘hold on, hold on’ looking pathetic. In the end I finally, well, got it in, but I was pretty ashamed with myself at this point already, and it was just one of those times where I was focusing on getting the job done, and all pleasure got sucked out of the act.

Then my stomach turned, completely out of nowhere, and I just vommed into the bunched up duvet next to us and completely silently rolled off her, she got up, chuckled slightly and walked out. I didn’t protest, I knew I deserved it, I just looked around for something to wipe myself off with and sighed. Here’s a video of a dog.