Celebrity endorsement is a weird thing –  you never know who’s going to pop up next trying to sell you stuff you’d never associate them with. Like I’ve never understood why food companies always get sport stars to advertise food they clearly don’t eat – Gary Lineker didn’t score 48 goals for England by munching his way through a Walkers multipack now did he? (I know fuck all about football, I just Googled that.)

So here are my favourite celeb endorsements of the decade. (Can you really believe it’s been 10 years since your Mum made you go to that shit Millennium party so you could all be together when the world ended at midnight?)

10 - Britney and Pepsi (2001)
Back in the day, when Britney was the smokin’ hot chick every girl wanted to be, Pepsi capitalised on this and snapped her up to advertise their sugary wares. “It’s such an honour,” she crowed at the time. “I’m a big fan of Pepsi products and Pepsi commercials.” She didn’t seem such a fan though when she was caught guzzling 6 cans of (wait for it)…COCA COLA a day. Talk about biting the hand that feeds. Weirdly, Pepsi weren’t too pleased and immediately terminated her contract.

I watched that then went straight to the shop to get a can. I’m so impressionable.

9 – Vinnie Jones and Bacardi  (2003)
Vinnie Jones strikes me as more of a cheap cider fan than a mojito lover but whatevs, Bacardi obviously (thought they) knew what they were doing when they decided to appoint him as their spokesperson. Sadly, just after filming a really expensive and cringeworthy advert he had a bit of a rum-ble (geddit??) with a fellow passenger on a Virgin flight to Tokyo and slapped him ten times before announcing he could ‘get the crew murdered’. An ideal representative for responsible drinking, I’m sure you’ll agree.

8 – Kerry Katona and Iceland  (2005)
After Aussie whore Delta Goodrem stole her man (ewwwww, Brian McFadden, ewwwww), we were all super stoked (weren’t we?) to see her rise from the ashes of Atomic Kitten and shovel live bugs down her face to win I’m A Celebrity in 2004. And despite marrying a troll, when she joined the ranks on everyone’s favourite daytime show (after Doctors) Loose Women, we were all – “you go grrrrrrrrl”. Even povvo supermarket Iceland totally agreed and paid her in frozen food to promote their party platters and cheap milk. But when she munched up all the food and got all fatty boom boom (again) we were not amused, and neither were Iceland when reputable broadsheet The News of the World caught her snorting coke. Bye bye contract. Hello string of car crash Katona documentaries.

7 – Kate Moss and cocaine  (2005)
Kerry Katona’s caught doing a line and we’re all OMG ewwwww, and reaching for the nearest plant food, but when Kate Moss was filmed doing coke back in 2005 we were all over that shit. It’s a cruel, cruel world. ‘Official Moss Mephedrone’ coming in 2010.

6 – Mischa Barton and ‘Got Milk’ (2006)
When our Mischie was chosen to be amongst the 7859 celebs to have  gross milk moustaches painted on them, we believed the drivel she spouted like, ‘Thanks to the 9 essential nutrients in milk, I’ve always got what it takes to nail it.’ Uh-huh yeah, ‘cos a nice cold glass of skimmed is the drink du jour of most young actresses, right? Later though, we realised that the only white stuff she consumed was snorted up her nose. And maybe, just maybe that’s where she got the energy to ‘nail it’. Busted, Barton.

5 – Hulk Hogan and his Ultimate Grill (2007)
Hulk’s probably the only person in the world not to have heard of/owned a George Forman grill. Oh, him and whichever dickweed agreed to fund his ‘innovative’ grilling venture. Needless to say, the grills flopped (but not before burning a few people’s houses down). Fancy grilling some chicken on the Hulk? Me neither. I fancy grilling his daughter though…(JOKES! I LIKE BOYS.)

4 – Ronaldinho and Konica (2007)
If I was a photocopier company the first person I’d pick to advertise my wares would most definitely be a footballer. I mean, office equipment and football go hand in hand right? ‘cos every footballer’s had to spend a few years toiling away in a sweaty office on minimum wage doing spreadsheets with Pervey Dave and that bitch who never makes the tea. Oh wait…

3 – Johnny Rotten and Country Life (2008)
My Dad has a lot to say on a lot of subjects but this one in particular got his back up.

Now, if I’d been the face of anarchy back in my yoof, I’d like to think I’d keep it up for the rest of my life, you know, growing old disgracefully and that – not selling out by going on I’m A Celebrity and touting butter. On of all things, dammit, a DAIRY SPREAD. And yes Country Life, I can see what you’ve tried to do with the tartan dressing gown…so punk, ja?

Dad, you have every reason to be angry. Rant away.

2 – Iggy Pop and Swift Cover Insurance (2009)
OH GOD. Iggy Pop’s wrinkly little torso makes me want to puke at the best of times but when it’s all oiled up and gyrating whilst trying to sell me insurance policies it takes it to a whole new level of vom. Please. Just. Stop.

Oh and you want to know the best bit? Swift don’t even cover musicians.

1 – Woody Allen and American Apparel (2009)
I feel like we’re ending on a high here – for some reason earlier this year, AA decided to use a still from Annie Hall to advertise their colourful clobber. I don’t understand the ad myself, but whatevs you know, they can do what they like – everyone in the 18-25 demographic bows down at their hoody shrine. But Woody get all pissed off yadda yadda yadda and accused them of dragging his name in the dirt with their usual skanky, whore-ish advertising. But AA wouldn’t back down and said he had ‘no reputation left to ruin’. I believe they were talking about his affair with his 22 year old adopted daughter. OH NO YOU DIIIIIIDN’T! He demanded $10m but AA said he was only worth $5m.

I prefer this ad I found though.

Expect more from sell-out celebrities in 2010. Brilliant.