For the past three years, anyone who was both French and owned a Behringer DJX700 Pro Mixer was officially “hot shit”. Now the rest of the electro-speaking world have caught on and everyone has been bleeding neon and bass on dancefloors ever since.
I played Works for Me by The Twelves to my mum and she really liked it. We had a deep, meaningful chat about the track that went like this:
“Why is this song not a mega hit?”
“Because the only people who actually buy dance music are club DJs from the North who wank over Cascada.”
Best Track: When You Talk
Best Remix: A ha – Take On Me (The Twelves Remix)
Here’s something you didn’t know: down under, the Aussies like to fight over which capital has the most ‘electro’ cred. It’s Sydney vs. Melbourne, and it gets real dirty. But when Sydney’s Bag Raiders drop a banger in any club in Melbourne, no one dares stay still. They’re Australia’s answer to synth manipulation and proof that not all super producers are French after all.
Best Track: Shooting Stars
Best Remix: ZZZ – Lion (Bag Raiders Remix)
Brodinski are the definition of blog house (WTF is Blog House??) – but not that shitty blog house that leaves you clueless as to why it’s getting rave reviews. You know that embarrassing playlist of songs you have on your iPod that you really love but refuse to play to a party of friends for fear of being castrated from your little clique? Just add Brodinski and your rep should be fine.
Best Track: Bad Runner
Best Remix:DJ Mehdi – Pocket Piano (Brodinksi remix)
The music industry has three months to sort its shit out and make this massive or else I’m never buying a record again.
Best Track: One In A Million
Best Remix: Danger – 11h30 (datA Remix)
The girls and the boys love A-Trak. He won the DMC championship at 15 and made a name for himself without help of big brother Dave. For everyone who’s been missing out on this kid’s orgasmic mixes, take a walk of shame. The artwork above is for A-Trak’s album Infinity+1 but I’m giving 50p to any who can spot where the album title is written.
Best Track: Laidback Luke & A-Trak – Shake It Down
Best Remix: Sébastien Tellier – Kilometer (A-Trak Remix)
Fred Falke
[no decent images of Fred Falke to be found anywhere]
There’s very little you can actually say about Fred Falke. I couldn’t even find a decent picture of him. You’ve probably heard his Whitest Boy Alive remix and think it’s the shit, but his fiddle of Filthy Duke’s This Rhythm is even bigger.
Best Track: Love Theme
Best Remix: Filthy Dukes – This Rythm (Fred Falke Remix)
Fake Blood
For a while no one knew who this Fake Blood person was even though he had massive hits like Mars and a remix of Little Boots’ Stuck on Repeat remix under his belt. Actually people still don’t really know who he is. That’s why I’m telling y’all.
Best Track: Mars
Best Remix: Hot Chip – Touch Too Much (Fake Blood Remix)
Breakbot
Breakbot looks like the love child of Sébastien Tellier’s and Mr. Oizo. No surprises there, since THEY’RE ALL FRENCH. Breakbot is the latest addition to Ed Banger Records’ already impressive roster. He’s been round the block with his skills, fixing remixing everyone from Metronomy, to Röyksopp, to Fatlip.
Best Track: Iron Zombie
Best Remix: Pnau – Baby (Breakbot Remix)
So you reckless indie-heads, take a minute out from your hectic schedule (guitar tuning, masturbating) and download these tracks to see what you’ve been missing out on. See, not that hard, was it?
ROBERT MOOG HAS DONE MORE FOR MUSIC THAN LARRY TEE EVER WILL.
WORDS: ADELE AUSTIN
