I’m really worried that some of you may not have heard about this so I’m going to tell you all about watching TV and eating on the internet.
Last summer I discovered illegal internet TV, in particular Surfthechannel.com and Alluc.org. It completely changed my life. Any show I ever wanted to see has been uploaded in full by a nerd somewhere in the world and aggregated onto one of these sites or other.
Before then I was living at home with my parents and had an actual TV so I didn’t give a shit but boy, do I wish that I had. I spent the whole summer forcing my then boyfriend to sit in a dark room watching movies with me whilst outside the sun shined, flowers grew and people went swimming in lakes. Inside the house contempt grew along with my boyfriends beard and our stomachs.
I emerged from the house looking like a pasty rotund Gollum, whilst he resembled the albino lovechild of Augustus Gloop and Groundskeeper Willy. A lot of parallels could have been drawn between our house and the Fritzl cellar.
Since then internet TV has stopped being free for me as I watched so much I had to bow my head to bandwidth limits and part with 15 Euros for a Megavideo.com account. I did that begrudgingly at first but in fact it has been totally worth it. It is practically like moving from a black and white TV to Sky+.
The streaming is so much better and I don’t have to stop and wait an hour after watching 72 minutes in a row. I am extremely grateful to the folk at Megavideo as they have allowed me to maintain a functional and productive relationship with my computer.
Watching movies was a pain before but now I can go to a decent movie streaming site like Watch-movies.ro and watch a high quality promo version of Marley and Me without a break or even waiting for anything to buffer.
What does buffering even mean? Oh and FYI, the dog fucking dies in Marley and Me. Don’t watch it, I cried for half an hour afterwards.
The other thing I’d like to let you all know about is Hungryhouse.co.uk, which has changed how I structure my evenings in drastically, it’s a website that has all the takeaways in any given area, along with their menus and their time of delivery.
The best bit is it isn’t just a directory, you can order it all and pay for it online as well! I think they even make the call for you! Remember how great it was when you first discovered you could buy anything on Ebay?
This is like Ebay for food. Since I discovered this site I’ve eaten so many different types of food from so many corners of the earth. Sometimes I order a few things from a few different places, just because it’s so easy and I’m stoned.
So that’s it, I’ve pretty much solved all your staying in problems for until those sites get taken down by ‘˜the man’ for being not quite legal or you move to the Cotswolds and there’s no takeaways that will come out that far.
The dream has arrived: human contact is no longer necessary.
WORDS: ANON
ILLUSTRATION: POLLY PHILP
