Sunday 22nd November CONTINUED
In the morning I woke up way before Amy and just sat on the edge of her bed feeling a bit cold and weird. Then I went on her computer and started Twittering about it, which is obviously the most mature and respectful thing to do. When she woke up she was being hot and nice, and even made me breakfast, we both were a bit shy around each other, but it was also really fucking great. Then her little sister woke up and I had to go because her parents were coming back. So I put on my smelly milky T-shirt and walked home.
Shit looked different, I know that sounds lame, but it did. I just felt so fucking relieved to have done it, and for it to have, eventually, gone OK. I also started thinking about the fact that now I’d done it once, I could do it again, and with other people. I mean it’s not like I want to cheat on Amy or anything, I really like her, but I’m realistic in that we probably won’t be together forever. So it’s like this door’s been opened. I kept looking at girls in the street and thinking, yeah I could have sex with you. It probably wouldn’t be very good, but I could do it.
Mum was already awake by the time I got home. She didn’t say anything, just looked me up and down once and asked if I’d had any breakfast yet. I’ve heard it being said before, and could never really understand what people meant when they said it, but you do feel different. You feel like people must know, that you must have it written all over your face. It’s a cliche, but it’s how I felt. So that was why when I rang Louise I was a bit surprised she didn’t guess straight away. I kept leaving these long pauses to intimate that something significant had happened, that perhaps she should realise the momentousness of this particular phone call compared to all the other phone calls we’d had about History notes and Jack being a cunt. But she didn’t. In fact she was so busy talking about “her life” that I didn’t actually get round to mentioning it to her, and consequently hung up the phone without letting her know I’d been through a life-changing experience.
So after a few hours I rang her back and told her. The conversation went a bit like this:
Me: ”Hey”
Her: “Hey” (I didn’t really need to include these lame pleasantries in the transcript, but it’s good to set the scene)
Me: “I actually called for a reason earlier”
Her: “Yeah? What was it?”
Me: “Are you eating? I’d rather you didn’t eat for this”
Her: “Oh. OK. Wow this must be big”
Me: “Yep”
Her: ”Well…”
Me: “I went out with Amy last night, and sort of didn’t come home”
Her: ”So?”
Me: “I didn’t come home because we…”
Her: (long pause) “Oh. I see…Cool”
Me: “Yeah. Thanks”
Her: (long pause) “Um…How was it?”
Me: “Not great at first, but I managed to turn it around”
Her: “Cool. Good for you”
Me: “Thanks”
Her: “So, was that it?”
Me: “Oh yeah I guess”
Her: “Sorry I’ve just got loads of shit to do”
What? What the fuck? That was the reaction one of the most momentous occurrences in my life receives? ”Was that it?” I mean, thank god it wasn’t Amy saying that, but still. Come the fuck on Louise, you can try harder than that. You can actually maybe pretend to give a flying fuck, if not for my sake but for Society, and all the expected rules of behaviour we’re supposed to live by. I’ve listened to her enough times whining about Jack, or her Dad, or her life in general, that I kind of expected a bit more.
(For the record she did actually call me back after a few hours and we dissected it in detail, but I’m still a bit pissed off with her for her initial reaction. What if it had gone really fucking badly, what then?)
UPDATE: I wrote the above on Sunday night, so here’s an update for the week. I’ve seen Amy a bit at school, and she came round here on Wednesday night, we’ve not had The Sex again yet, but it’s pretty fucking amazing to know that we probably will again. I’m so glad she doesn’t think I’m a fucking weirdo. I’m so glad I survived my first time. Now can someone please destroy these disgustingly lame entries for me. By writing them I have ensured that there is absolutely no way I can ever reveal my identity.
