Monday 8th February
HOLLA Y’ALL (dick). What is up? I’ve been away for a few days with my moronic father and his satanic spawn. But enough about that. How are you? Really? Wow, that’s great. OK shut up now.
We went to Hell, I mean Hull, which was pretty alright. To anyone who lives there, you have a very nice town and we had some good fish and chips, so well done. Only thing was that we were staying in the dingiest hotel known to man, where the landlady sort of made a pass at me one evening after I’d stayed awake after the others went to bed, hanging out in the vomit-yellow living room, watching re-runs on Dave. To be honest I’m not actually sure she was making a pass at me, perhaps she just tripped, but it was slightly unnerving. Her face was looming towards me in the semi-darkness and she had a moustache even I was envious of, which is not a great trait for a prospective girlfriend.
I just told her I hated all women and never wanted to be near one again, and she backed off. Although she did come back later with her diabetic chocolates and try to feed them to me like grapes. The whole experience was utterly disgusting.
Anyway during our stay we ate loads of rum fudge and I was nearly sick on a mini golf course in Tunstall, both of which were excellent experiences that have no doubt made me a better man. But I am back now, safe and sound, so what have I missed?
How’s it all going on Popstar to Operastar? Do you think Jedward are going to get to number one? I kind of can’t believe about Terry and the Captaincy. I don’t follow football AT ALL really, but has he basically lost it because he cheated on his wife? Isn’t that kind of ridiculous – he was clearly just following Tiger’s lead…Can you tell that I’ve started getting all my news off the Daily Mail online? Which is obviously completely stupid, although the comments are amazing – this is one discussing Terry’s wife:
After all HER rageing, saying SHE was going to divorce him, that SHE had been humiliated by HIM for 10 years but this was the last time – now look at her? All for what? To try to save his England career, his sponsorships? He WILL do it again and SHE will get everything SHE deserves!!
- Paul, Malaga Spain, 03/2/2010 15:10
Nice. You know it’s some crazy Ex-pat who just can’t stand not being here to whine to all his friends about, so he has to use loads of CAPS on a MESSAGE BOARD. So if someone could explain to me what’s been going on with this that would be great. Also my Mum keeps talking to me about Brangelina, so if someone could give me some notes on that too, it would be welcome. I’d like to know loads about it so I can freak her out and she’ll start wondering if I am gay again.
I can’t be bothered to talk about Louise and Amy today, but suffice to say ignoring them is going well and I don’t think I care any more what either of them think about me. It’s all such a ballache, and I can’t be bothered with it any more.
Later.
