Monday 11th January
After my post at the weekend I sort of fell into an emotional coma and wound up crying on my Mum’s shoulder into the early hours. Then she started crying, just to even out the attention a bit I think, and I manned up and realised that I should stop being a pussy and face what’s happened. I can’t mope around for the rest of my life, feeling sorry for myself because I was a tool and cheated on my girlfriend. Thanks BTW to the guy who argued that perhaps kissing wasn’t actually cheating – maybe that’s the case when you’re in your twenties, but at the tender age of seventeen I feel like a total wang, and a shitty person. I feel bad to be getting support from people, because I am the one who did the bad thing. Oh man I did a bad thing.
Anyway. I’m not gonna be That Guy anymore. I reckon I’ve gone so far down this route of BADASS I might as well keep on strolling. Therefore I’ve taken some inspiration from various films and musical artists to inspire me in the ways of the wicked. This first one is that Michael Cera in his new film, ‘Youth In Revolt’, which seems to have the ideal plot for my current mission. A hapless yute decides to create an alternate personality in order to live out his fantasies of being a shit hot badman. He also has a weird ginger moustache, which I’m not going to cultivate. Couldn’t even if I wanted to.
Good career move Cera. You were in serious danger of rinsing that stumbling geeky act, so congratulations for offsetting it with this really camp alter-ego whose supposed to be dangerous but actually is as threatening as a pair of Gap Khaki trousers covered in baby sick.
I am a bit worried that my actions might swerve me a bit too close to this sort of ‘Bad Boy’ vibe though. Note to self: bad boys don’t have diamond earrings unless it’s in an urban way. And I am definitely not urban.
What have fat girls got to do with bad boys? A bad boy would never go after a fat girl, it would totally ruin his image. Unless he was so bad he could get away with dating thunder thighs. Is that the point? Man, if only George was here now to explain it to me. And maybe lend me one of his bleached denim jackets – those are really BAD.
Speaking of urban, I’ve had this song on repeat in order to really understand the way of the bad boy. Apparently it’s doing things like not complimenting your girlfriend when she comes home wearing a new dress, and not ‘popping the question’ – OR EVEN MENTIONING IT. I guess that is bad boy behaviour, if you work in IT and have a chubby girlfriend called Sally who cries most nights when you forget to say she’s better looking than Davina McCall. My favourite lyric, which I might say to Louise, is “You’re too deep in love, you have to jump ship like Free Willy’.
COME ON SKEPTA, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT. SURELY.
I also found this video below very informative when looking at the other side of the bad boy persona. My favourite line is at the beginning when they say something about how this is gonna be good advice because it comes from someone who is very, very, experienced. Slaaaag.
I also enjoyed the ‘Sex and The City’ rip off, all of the acting, and the excellent close-ups where the actress had the same face for the emotions of: perturbed, waiting, upset, and also sexy. That face was just blowing out her lips like she was pretending to be a horse. Fit.
And finally, apparently these are the clothes of the bad boy – a rucksack, leather trousers, and the most disgusting boots known to man.
Urgh.
I will write a proper update next time, it’s just even I get bored of my whiny life sometimes, so I am sure you do too.
