DISCLAIMER: This guy wrote to us asking to do a regular diary entry for Platform. After a chat on the phone he sent over his first entry, we liked it, so here it is. Get to know him – he seems to be more than happy to put his secret escapades into the public domain, so we assume he’s also up for mockery/sympathy when needed. Nice. Oh, and all names have been changed.
Thursday 8th October
Yeah you’re right. Louise really fancies me, yeah DEFINITELY. I don’t know what says it clearer – the fact she grimaces in pain/disgust/constipation every time she so much as sniffs in my direction. Or maybe it’s the way I’ve overheard her saying to friends, “he’s a total wanker”…No I think the clearest indication that Louise fancies me is that she’s going on a date with Jack this weekend.
I don’t mind; Jack’s my best friend. Obviously I’m slightly nervous, in the most chivalrous and sexy of ways, what his intentions are towards her. Yes sire. I don’t know, maybe I’m over reacting but when a male repeatedly mimes touching a girl’s boobs with gritted teeth and a gyrational swing in his hips, you don’t think “oooh marriage material”.
But why should I care? Louise clearly hates me. And that really pisses me off. Hating me because I’ve broken her fragile heart into a million minute pieces of porcelain – that’s one thing. But hating me because…Why? Why fucking why? I don’t even get the ego boost of thinking she finds me a veritable slice of buff ting. No, she has just decided/realised thatI am a total wanker.
Aaaanyway, this is getting so whiney I want to wring my own neck just so you’ll have something to laugh at (my bloated purple face). Maybe I should put out a request to be interviewed by one of you like a fucking ROCK STAR (do they still exist?) Or maybe I could just eat my cheese sandwich in its floury bap and try and remember my happy childhood. Perhaps I’ll start crying during Shooting Stars.
I still don’t know what is going on with Lucy and her boyfriend. I tried to ask her about it at lunch the other day. The conversation went something like this,
“Ahem. So…Luce, how’s it going with The Man (I can’t say his name without bile rising in my throat)”
“God fuck knows. Can’t be arsed anyway”
“Really? You err…you can’t be arsed? Which bit can’t you be arsed with?”
“All of it. Yeah, all of it”
“All of…being with him? Or all of…not being with him?”
“Huh? FUCK there’s Kitty, I still owe her 20 quid for that vodka BYE”
So yeah, think that says it all. She lives near me so we walked back from School yesterday together. It was alright, she laughs really hard at most things I say, so that’s a good sign isn’t it? But she also looks in her mirror 8 times every half hour and sometimes wears so much mascara it goes all crunchy, which is what my nan used to do. So not really into that. I still would though. I still definitely would.
Wonder where Jack will take Louise. Probably McDonalds the cheap prick.
