(A young Spielberg hard at work)

Making movies, or even TV shows, is actually pretty tough. Getting into a position where you’re given the responsibility to direct takes years, then you’ve got to get production companies to give you a reasonable budget, actors are always a massive ball-ache to deal with and you’ve got to spend a week in a darkened room editing ten minutes of footage, only to have the network send it back because there’s too many swears in it and blah blah.

WORDS: ROBERT FOSTER

Only the other day, I was thinking to myself, ‘surely there’s a way to break this cycle of misery?’, so I started Googling stuff (how else do you think we get solid gold up here every day, five days a week?) until I found the solution to the eternal problem of how you have to put effort into getting what you want out of life.

Turns out if you want to make movies you don’t have to go to film school, get up at 6 to go be a runner at a production company in Soho for barely minimum wage or even network at Hollywood parties, you just have to go to Xtranormal.com and type whatever it is you want your characters to say. And obvs only need to have two characters in your movie.

I didn’t really have much of a script lined up for my little Lego actors to follow, so I just transcribed a very dull iChat conversation I had with my friend about how I’ve never watched The Wire before. I’m thinking about taking this around a few of the festivals, maybe I can meet Megan Fox at Cannes and we can get married.

It’d be great to see some links to some of your efforts under here…