What’s it like growing up in Manchester?
I never stayed in. I was always outside. Even when I popped round to my mate’s flat to play computer games I had to hang around outside. His Mam didn’t like me walking on her carpet so I’d to lean through his bedroom window to play.
Did you have much a role model at that time?
I always thought me uncle Alf (he’s not my real uncle) was quite good. He had his own cobbler shop and worked the hours he wanted to work and lived life how he wanted to. He made shoes last forever. When I saw Elton John on the telly singing Pinball Wizard with them big platforms on, me Dad said that Alf had done his shoes. I believed him for years.
Have you got any exclusive factoids for us?
Sharks don’t get cancer. No surprise really. Hard to light a fag with all them waves about.
Are you happy without hair?
I’m used to it now. I never used to have a good hair style when I did have hair so I think that’s why it fell out. It didn’t feel loved or needed so it left.
Who would you banish to live in the sea and why?
I’ve always thought we shouldn’t have left the sea. The world is 70% water and yet here we all are crammed on the 30% of land.
No fish is homeless. No fish dies of starvation or stress. We left the sea millions of years ago and now we have to work to pay for a house or a flat to live in. We have to pay for food and for gas.to keep us warm. Then, if we’re lucky and have any money left, what do we do? We use it to go on holidays to sit next to the place we should never have left in the first place; the sea.
I don’t know who I’d banish to the sea though. Probably Sea Lions. They shouldn’t be taking up room on land. They’re better in water so keep ‘em in there.
What can the young learn from the old?
As time goes on there is a bigger gap between the young and old. They have very little in common these days. It’s like how Hippos are related to Whales but you never see them knocking about together. Same with old people and young people.
Saying that, I don’t even understand the young these days. All this Facebook and twitter and stuff is lost on me. I don’t want strangers saying ‘hello’ to me all the time. I don’t even answer a knock at the door if I’m not expecting anyone.
*Hear Karl with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant in their new series of audiobooks available at iTunes.
Karl’s new book Karlology is out now, available at all good book stores.
INTERVIEW: JESSICA RICHES AND DAN MOSS
ILLUSTRATIONS: ETHAN MURPHY
