CALIPPO (ORANGE)

REVIEW

I got this one because all the boys picked the exciting ice creams. There was nothing in the middle and it was basically frozen orange squash. Which I obviously knew before I ate it but that hasn’t stopped me being really fucking pissed off about it especially when they’re all shoving their feasts in my face. I can’t even be bothered to finish it so it’s just lying on my desk in a pool of it’s own juice, melting into the soggy cardboard.

2/10

CORNETTO (STRAWBERRY)

REVIEW

I liked my Strawberry Cornetto, Cornettos are better than normal ice creams in cones because the cones have a thin layer of chocolate and they make you feel a bit Italian when you eat them. The ice cream is nice and then at the end you think it’s all over but there’s a little lump of extra cold chocolate to finish it all off. I prefer the mint choc chip ones though.

7/10

SOLERO (EROTIC)

REVIEW

7/10

FEAST (ONLY COMES IN ONE FLAVOUR)

REVIEW

Feasts are a relic from an age when ice creams were for kids and there were no expensive looking women on chaise longues putting them in their mouth all slow and sexy in the adverts, in fact there were no adverts. There were just fat, sweaty gentlemen selling them from converted Ford Transits with bells on top. Compared to modern, high-end chocolate/ice cream combos, Feasts taste a little cheap. But on the other hand, those fancy Galaxy things all have girly names and look like frozen dildos, I’m more comfortable with my masculinity when I’m eating a Feast’

8/10

TWISTER (E NUMBER FLAVOUR)

REVIEW

Twisters rock. I love the way you get just enough ice cream and lolly. Although the ice cream does start to melt first and then you have to lick around it like your tongue’s on a helter skelter so it doesn’t drip. Quick quick no drips! As for the pink bit in the middle? Well HELLO. It’s quite hard to look sexy eating a twister though because it can get on your chin. And your nose actually.

9/10