Anyway, I did some really intense research (asking a fat kid on the bus if he’d ever played with one of those triangle paper things) and discovered the majority of people (fat kid. Bus) don’t know how to make these!
So here’s a step-by-step guide.
1. You will need a piece of A4 paper and some colouring pens. THAT IS ALL.
2. Take an A4 sheet of paper. You’re going to need to make it into a square so hold it in what is referred to as ‘landscape’ on print preview and fold the bottom right hand corner up so it makes a triangle.
3. You’ll be left with an oblong of paper on the left hand side. Trim that shit off. You don’t need that shit. That shit ain’t gonna help you decide your life punk.
4. Now open out the triangle. YOU HAVE A SQUARE.
5. Fold one corner of the square up to the top corner. YOU HAVE A TRIANGLE AGAIN.
6. Now when you open it back up you should have two crossing lines from your folding. Take the corners and one by one (no need to rush retard, your life can wait five fucking minutes) fold them into the centre point where the lines dissect (yeah I’m smart. I know that word).
7. Then turn it over and do the same again. I really can’t make that command any more simple.
8. Then fold it in half and gently stick a thumb and finger in each of the gaps. I could labour this with innuendo but I really can’t be fucked. Unlike your mum.
9. Then lift up each of the flaps and write down the answers to your life dilemmas such as ‘quit your job’, ‘dump them’ and ‘daddy never loved you’. When I was fourteen I made one where the answer for each section was ‘you’re a dick’ I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the whole fucking world. And I was right.
10. On the covering flaps write less important yet still vital personality life deciders with two options such as favourite colour (blue, lighter blue) or dick size (big and I’m lying or big and I’ll show you).
11. Then write numbers on the outside flaps. They don’t have to be in order so feel free to really subvert ‘the man’ with your crazy choices of number you little anarchist you.
12. Now colour that bitch in. Your paper life-decider is now ready to use, first pick a number and then open and close your fingers (while in the decider, that’s why you made it douchebag) and then when you stop answer the question on the inside. Finally take a deep breath and open your last flap to discover the real truth of your wonderful life. What’s it say? ‘you’re a dick’ HAHAHA STILL FUNNY.
ELIZABETH SANKEY
