WARNING: You may see some ‘˜live music’ on telly this week.
I know what you’re thinking: ‘˜Surely he means music videos? Or some kind of nationwide talent search hosted by Dermot O’Leary? Or maybe an interview with Bono on The Culture Show?’
Nope, I’m talking about standing-on-a-stage, microphone-in-hand, three-camera-set-up live performances. Of course they’ll all be miming, but when it comes down to it, it’s either miming or Jools fucking Holland swanning about the stage introducing every act as ‘˜brilliant and unique’.
I’m talking, of course, about Comic Relief. The yearly mix of shit comedy and good causes arrives ‘˜on our screens’ (or iPlayer for the under-21s) this Friday and this year it’s all about the music. Well, it’s partly about the music anyway. All of the BBC’s TV and radio stations are getting involved but I, like most people, will be heading straight towards The Big Dawg, Tim Westwood, for my charity-themed broadcasting needs. As Snoop Dogg says, ‘˜You can’t come to the kingdom and not see the prince’ and said prince is on top form this year, not only raising money on his weekly Radio 1 slot, but also releasing his own ringtone in association with Subway (because it’s not just impoverished orphans that get hungry bbz!)
Something Westwood probably won’t be playing on his Red Nose Day show is either of the official Comic Relief singles. The pretty rubbish Saturdays one has already been discussed on Platform, or at least the sexual not-that-undertones of its video have been thoroughly examined by our male staff. The comedy alternative, something which has become somewhat of a necessary evil after the song that shall not be named (It nearly rhymes with Armadillo), is once again completely hilarious. That is, if your definition of ‘˜hilarious’ is wide enough to include Rob Brydon singing ‘˜Islands in the Stream’.
If you do fancy seeing either of the singles, you’ll probably find them on Friday’s special episode of Top Of The Pops, which seems to be on more often now than before it was cancelled. Tragically, Fearne Cotton will be making it back from Kilimanjaro in time to host, so viewers will want to have their mute buttons at the ready come Friday evening. In fact, maybe it’s all part of the BBC’s master plan: If millions of people around the country are sitting around waiting for Cotton to fuck off, what better time to call up and donate some of their hard earned muns?
Alternatively, I would like to offer the following headline to the Daily Mail on the condition that it runs at least 2 days preceding the broadcast, thus giving the BBC enough time to take decisive ‘˜post-Sachsgate’ action:
Then we can sit back and enjoy performances from the likes of U2, Oasis and Franz Ferdinand. On second thought, what’s on ITV?
DISCLAIMER: It’s all for a good cause etc.
Charlie Lyne
