Christ, if I hear one more person talk about how ‘scared of clowns’ they are, I think I might just lose the will to live. For one thing, I’ve never even seen a clown, so I can’t say they bother me. Secondly they aren’t in the least bit scary, they’re just sad; sad and depressing. There’s a difference.
Unbelievably, someone has found a way to make clowns even more depressing. Theodora’s Clown Doctors are people who pretend they are doctors dressed up as clowns, but are really just regular people with no medical training dressed up as clowns. They hang around hospitals trying to cheer up sick kids.
I’ve never even been to hospital, so every ingredient here is an alien concept to me, but if I was 10 years old, lying in a hospital bed with an incurable disease surrounded by other sick children… I would be well and truly down in the dumps. Having a clown lurching around from bed to bed, getting ever closer, aremed with a barrage of crappy magic tricks, old jokes and inflatable animals my soul would surely sink, and what’s left of my immune system would give up too.
Clowns are so far from amusing I can’t see why they exist; they have absolutely no relevance in today’s world, aren’t anywhere near as fun as Call of Duty Online, and always look so desperate that I can’t believe the volunteers who dress up as clown doctors haven’t all realized no one likes their weak patter and resigned.
Besides, if something tragic were to happen, like I were to be die, I really wouldn’t want my parents to have to be told I was dead whilst a clown lurks around in the background making kids cry, popping balloons and gurning, or even worse, as a result of staff shortages, the man dressed as a clown has to break the news to them.
Thanks, but no thanks.
