Luckily, my boyfriend at the moment has no problem with the whole menstruation fornication thing. In fact, he’s way into it. ‘Bring it on,’ he said invitingly last time I was on the blob. Although I’m not sure he’s actually into the bleeding. It’s more he’s into the fact that sometimes if I’m riding the crimson wave and I get a bit too wasted, I stupidly let him come inside me. Woops. He takes great advantage of this fact. The reason I make this bad decision is because I read online once that the chances of getting pregnant when you’re menstruating drop way down. I can’t remember what the exact number probability percentage is, but I think it’s pretty bloody low (get it?).
Actually, come to think of it, my last boyfriend fucked me on my period as well. Although he would always make me take a shower immediately afterwards. ‘Ugh! You smell like a pedophile!’ he once screeched directly after a messy screw. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ I asked. ‘Uh, duh!’ he responded. ‘Everyone knows that pedophiles smell like dried blood and semen! And you reek like a pedophile right now.’ Rude fucking bastard.
The only thing bad about making love whilst shedding your uterine lining is that afterwards you have to clean your sheets. Mega drag. I swear if it wasn’t for blood, semen, and Pot Noodle, I would never wash my linens. And then sometimes if you get a bit too adventurous the blood somehow manages to make its way into places you’d never even imagine. Like the time I showed up at work after a messy sexcapade with blood dripping from my ear, and my boss thought my brain was bleeding. Not a good look. Although despite the drawbacks, I do kind of like the idea of a giant, throbbing cock covered in tomato ketchup. Tasty. But maybe that’s just because I watch too much Redtube, and my idea of conventional sex has been completely warped. The pitfalls of the porno generation’
But I’d like to know your opinions on the subject, to be honest. I want to know whether the fact that I don’t find this phenomenon completely gross is abnormal or not. Because God knows I don’t want to be abnormal. I just want to fit in, really. I’ve always said I’m a born follower. Leave the leading up to those less lazy and stupid, I’ve always said. So if you have a strong opinion about fucking while Aunt Flow’s in town, please, by all means, tell me about it. You can email me personally gowiththeflow@blobspot.com.
WORDS: KARLEY SCIORTINO
