Keep your eyes focused on the urinal cake at all times.
Keep the shakedown to three flicks.
In the event that there are three or more unoccupied urinals leave one urinal separating you and other toilet-goers.
Don’t touch anything. If that means urinating all over the toilet seat to avoid having to lift it, so be it.
Unless you splash on the Davidoff or take some chupa chups, you don’t owe the toilet attendant anything (unless you’re Cheryl Cole, in which case – you owe them your life).
ILLUSTRATIONS: FERRY GOUW
WORDS: JAD
