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By Mark Fountain on 26/01/10
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"One of my good fiends is a lesbian and she keeps touching my breasts and vagina, but pretending she's falling over or something. I'm not gay. What should I do?”

Every dude loves lesbians but I say fuck lesbianism, I need all the pussy I can get. I don’t know how chicks do it but if a another dude was all grabbing at my piece and shit I’d get ghetto on his ass. I’d suggest you say some common phrases you may have learnt whilst listening to hip-hop or dancehall, or a combination of the genres for maximum effectiveness: “Wah di bumbarass blud?! Man don’t roll like that still” = “What are you doing? I am not a person of that persuasion and I appreciate it if you desisted with your sexual advances”
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